Music is in the air

2007-07-01T08:59:00.000-07:00

AH, JEALOUSY, MY OLD FRIEND...

Actually, that's not really true, I'm not used to being jealous. In the past, if I've felt jealous it was for a good reason - that I couldn't trust the person. So I would break up with them. Done and done.

This time around is different. I'm really into Peagant Girl, and I believe she's really into me. This relationship definetly has long term potential. That's why it sucks that I keep getting jealous.

Let's take for example the gentleman who e-mails her out of the blue to ask if this "relationship is serious", because he's had a crush on her for a long time.

Or the guy who pretends to be my friend to my face, and then tries to make out with her at a party while I'm in the OTHER ROOM.

Oh, oh, this one is the best. She's out in small town colorado this Summer for a music festival. She finally finds one guy she feels comfortable hanging out with that isn't going to hit on her. He has a GIRLFRIEND of a YEAR AND A HALF. They get drunk at a party and he starts hitting on her hardcore. Once she walks home alone, he starts calling her between 2 and 3 AM asking if he can come over. I wonder why.

Seriously. Where in the FUCK do these guys get off doing stuff like this? I would *never* hit on a girl who has a boyfriend. Casual flirting? Maybe - that depends on the girl. Asking if their relationship is serious because I have a crush on them? No. Trying to make out with them? No. Gaining their trust and then trying to SLEEP with them? Come on guys. Do you even care that you're dirtbags?

(oh, and P.S. you better believe I'm confronting this jackass when I get out there to visit her in a month. I'm already tired of him.)

So, long story short, after years of swearing I'd never be the jealous type, I seem to have become just that. Though, for the record, I think I'm handling this decently compared to how some guys might.

In the end, I am glad that she tells me these things. If I found out about them later from someone else, I would be far more upset, I think. It's got it's downsides, but in the end, I'm glad I'm with someone who is completely honest with me.

Venting complete. Thanks for playing along.

2007-06-22T02:45:00.001-07:00

I'M HAPPY

So I know I haven't said much about it, but Pageant Girl is great. Fantastic, really.

She's just graduated with an undergraduate degree from my school and is coming back for a masters degree. With her starting a two-year degree and myself going for the double masters, we're both going to be in Baltimore for two years. That gives us plenty of time (which, at this age - and in this profession, can be hard to come by) to see how this relationship pans out.

I'm excited. I think there is potential here for a future, and it's been a long time since I've felt that way. I'll try to contain my giddy-ness....

-----------

I'm heading back to Baltimore tomorrow, it may be a few days until I post again (what's new?). I'll be back soon!

2007-06-18T15:54:00.000-07:00

HN...WHATEVER

As you all know full well by now, I just do the HNT whenever I feel like... keeps you guessing!

I thought this picture just looked weird with my face cut out... I'll take this down in a day or two though! Hope you enjoy :)

2007-06-16T22:45:00.000-07:00

8 FACTS MEME

Alright, alright. Sitdown and shutup bitches, I've been tagged by VIXEN for this MEME, and I do NOT back down from a MEME challenge. So join me on this journey of discovery. You'll laugh, you'll cry... you might even get horny, who the hell knows. ENJOY!

8 Random Facts MEME
# I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
# Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
# People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
# At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
# Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

#1 - I have a blackbelt! That's right, I actually would have two, but the other martial art I took didn't have belts. Since I've been home I've been sparring a lot, and I'm actually considering fighting in a cage fight.

#2 - I have a GIRLFRIEND! Haha, I'm SURE you didn't know that about my commit-a-phobic ass. Pageant Girl came to visit and we decided to make it official. I have to admit I was really worried about it, but since we made the choice I've felt really good about it.

#3 - I can enjoy sex up to 4 times a day. That's not to say I can't do it more times, but after 4 times things start to get a little raw down there and it becomes a little more like work.

#4 - I can't wake up early to save my life. I will forever wake up with 15 minutes to get ready just to get those few precious moments of sleep.

#5 - I LOVE hard fucking. I'm sure that's not unlike most guys, but I really do like it rough. Biting, spanking, scratching, hair-pulling, maybe even a little slapping around (as long as it goes both ways), it's all good with me.

#6 - I love kids, but I can't stand teaching them. I would never teach younger than highschool.

#7 - I eat CONSTANTLY, but it's only healthy food... I figure that offsets it, right?

#8 - My new favorite place to have sex is the backseat of my car... here's why. One of my favorite positions is standard missionary, except with the girls legs up over my shoulders - perfect for the car. Then, once in that position, the car is the perfect shape. There's a place to put my foot and a handle to grab with 0ne hand, allowing for the hardest of sex.

Alright, I'm about to blow my load from talking about all that sex... time to take a porn break. Later!

P.S. - I don't have eight blog friends (sigh...) so do this thing if you wanna!

2007-06-10T00:07:00.000-07:00

I'M GUESSING PUNK

I'm not sure though. I'll bet I've got a lot of points for a few of these, my tastes are varied.

PREP
[] You go tanning.
[x] You own a cell phone.
[] You own something from Abercrombie.
[] You own something from Pacsun.
[] You own something from Hollister.
[] You own something from American Eagle.
[] You love/like going to the mall.
[x]You own an iPod/MP3 player.
[] You love Starbucks.
[] You have been called a brat.
[] You hate buying things that are on sale.
[] You have more than one house.

GOTHIC
[x] Black is one of your favorite colours
[] You have thought about death.
[] You wear chains.
[] You like heavy metal.
[] You’ve shopped at Hot Topic.
[] You have worn black lipstick
[] Your hair was/is dark.
[] You dislike preps.
[] You’re an athiest/ satanist/agnostic/Pagan

PUNK
[] You can skateboard.
[] You wear plaid.
[x] You like Converse.
[x] You hate MTV
[] You have/had/want blue, pink, red, purple, or green hair.
[x] You dislike pink.
[] You hate/dislike preps.
[x] You wear/wore skateboarding shoes.

GEEK
[x] You love the computer.
[] You like Harry Potter
[] You are supposed to wear glasses/contacts.
[x] You get/got straight A’s.
[] You love/like reading.
[x] You were/are in band.
[] You don’t care what you look like.
[] You have a curfew.
[] You always do/did your homework.
[] You never miss school unless you’re sick.

EMO
[] You are/were depressed.
[] You have black rimmed glasses.
[x] You like the band Taking Back Sunday.
[] You cry easily.
[x] You like emo music.
[] You hate being called emo.
[] You keep a journal/diary.
[] You have written a sad poem.
[] You have/had a sad MySpace layout.
[x] You think emo chicks/Guys are hot
[] you wear your hood alot

GHETTO/GANSTA
[x] You like rap.
[] You are in a gang.
[] You wear/wore rubberbands in your pants.
[x] You swear once in a while or alot.
[] You have freestyled.
[] You have worn high tops with the tongue flipped out.
[] You can break dance

HARDCORE
[x] You like loud music
[] You love/loved the Ninja Turtles
[] You never walk anywhere.
[] You wear slip-on shoes.
[] You love Norma Jean.
[] You wear band t-shirts.
[] People have called you a freak and meant it.
[] You love to “hardcore” dance
[] Your hair has been dyed more than one color at a time.

ATHLETIC
[x] You watch/watched the Superbowl.
[x] You own track shoes or other sports related shoes.
[] You collect your jerseys.
[x] You have/had had a special shelf for trophies and awards.
[] You have posters or plaques of famous athletes.
[x] Your garage consists of sports equipment
[x] You belong/belonged to a school team.
[] You are going/did go to a sports summer camp.
[] You have a specific number preferred for your jersey.

PREP 2
GOTHIC 1
PUNK 4
GEEK 3
EMO 3
GHETTO/GANSTA 2
HARDCORE 1
ATHLETIC 5

Should have known the athletic side wins. That's alright, lifting weights got me more sex than music ever did.

2007-06-05T21:16:00.001-07:00

MY OWN VERSION OF TMI

So this might be too much for some of you, but it's an honest question I have for the ladies out there, and there's a very good reason I'm asking.

Do you ever have sex while you're on your period?

Here's why I ask. Pageant Girl is coming to town next week. Chances are she's going to be on her period most, if not the entire time she's here. After this trip, I'm not going to see her for almost 3 months... and that's a long time to go without sex.

So... what do you think? Should I try? I'm up for it (in case you didn't know, I'm a dirty man). If you've done it before, what should I expect? Is there something we can do to make it work? Should I just try to convince her to do anal? (I think I can, by the way)

Again, I'm sorry if this is gross! But hey, composer needs his sex.

2007-06-03T20:50:00.000-07:00

I FIGURED I OWE YOU

Now that that's out of the way...

---------------

So, I'm back in Kansas City now, home for a few more weeks before I head back to Baltimore for Summer classes. Things are generally good, I'm just trying to get a lot of work done and get back in shape after my allergy (or whatever that was) issues in Baltimore.

Things with Pageant Girl are getting a bit more serious. She's home for a month or so, staying with her parents. I drove 8 hours to see her last week and stayed with her at her parents house for a few days.

Let me tell you, in those 3 days, I had, easily, the best sex of my life. It was hot, sweaty, dirty, hard fucking... and it was well worth the drive.

So now she's flying here in a week to stay with me for a few days before we go our seperate ways for the rest of the summer. I'd say there's definetly potential here for a relationship, but like I probably said before, I've got some time to figure things out before we're back in Baltimore.

---------------

I wish I could say other things are new... I'm finishing work on a huge piece that's going to be an important composition for me, and that's keeping me busy.

Oh yeah! I did find out I'm going to be an uncle! My (only) sister just told me yesterday, so that is big news!

Well, hopefully I can keep this up more regularly, I miss you all! Peace!

2007-05-05T13:40:00.000-07:00

SO I'VE GOT THESE BITE MARKS...

Um... so Pageant Girl's new nickname should probably be dirty girl, because damn. I woke up this morning with some serious "love" marks.

Yeah, we had some sex. And it was good.

So, the story with her. The jury is kinda out at the moment. She is the serious relationship type, which is fine... but she's already pushing for a relationship which makes me wonder whether she really likes me or if she just needs to be in a relationship. As I've said before, I take relationships very seriously and I won't get in one unless I see it going somewhere.

Luckily, I've got some time to figure it out... I'm leaving for home in under 2 weeks and I won't be able to see her for several months.

I do think, though, that she's a good girl and I like being around her, but I'm not getting into a relationship right now. I've got all summer to date!

----------------

by the way, in case you're wondering. There's been no HNT because I'm once again sick. I went to the doctor again and they think I've developed new allergies from moving to Baltimore. But these "allergies" are fucking severe, and I've just felt sick to varying degrees for the last 5 weeks.

I'll let you all know when I'm better, but for the meantime, no HNT... boo.

2007-04-29T16:55:00.000-07:00

YOU KNOW YOU'RE GROWING UP WHEN...

You turn down sex with a really hot girl because you find her annoying.

Haha, so my hot saturday night date... Well, she's a really hot black girl. Really hot. Cool. She's also kind of a bitch. Not cool.

I take her out to a bar where my buddy bartends. He's pimptacular, and he basically helps me work some magic (and keeps feeding her (and me) awesome free drinks). Thing is, halfway through the night, I actually started to feel bad about subjecting HIM to HER. She talked non-stop: about how much all the boys like her, about he degree, about her sorority, about her blah blah fuckin blah.

And to make things worse, she fished for compliments and rarely laughed at anything... I'm no comedian, but when I get together with my rowdy friends, we're fucking hilarious.

So, after 2 hours, I walk her home. I say I'm going to go meet up with friends at another bar (this was actually her idea originally, she had other plans later... so I made some too). She bitches at me for not inviting her, and then proceeds to start furiously making out with me on the street.

Still, as much as I like kissing a good (and energetic) kisser with nice full lips, I bailed. She asked me to come up but I just couldn't do it. Maybe if my friends weren't waiting on me I might have, who knows.

She called me tonight and asked me to go to her sorority's formal (tonight, something happened to her date). 99% guaranteed sex? I turned it down. If she wants to come over and bang I'll probably take her up on it, but other than that, I don't want to deal with having to meet all her friends and go to a damn dance. I've got homework to do. Ha!

More on pageant girl soon, hope everyone had a great weekend!

2007-04-26T18:37:00.000-07:00

AND THE UNIVERSE BALANCES OUT

To make up for my shitty night last night and subsequent lack of sleep, the good Lord (or whatever you believe in) has thrown a little good fortune my way.

I just got the phone number of the HOTTEST black girl since Halle Berry. She sings in one of my school choirs but doesn't go to my campus - which is perfect. She's actually half korean and half black, and let me tell you, there are some good genes there. DA-YUM. We're going out drinking, that's right, drinking saturday night. Wish me luck.

And oh yeah, lest you forget pageant girl is still in the picture. We're going out tomorrow night.

Yeah, I think I'll get over my shitty day yesterday.

And oh yeah, happy HNT!

I haven't been able to run for a month or so due to the ridiculous cold, but I'm finally getting better, so there will be some ab shots again soon enough...

2007-04-25T22:32:00.000-07:00

OH. WELL FUCKING WONDERFUL.

Venting.

I just got an upset e-mail from my main teacher because I misunderstood him today. It's a long story, but the jest is - something was supposed to be confidential, I didn't get that part, I told someone.

You can see how worried I am about telling anyone else now, I won't even say it on here.

He's a serious pessimist so it's hard to tell from the tone of his e-mail how angry he is, but he wasn't pleased. But here's the thing - I was obviously just trying to help and there was zero harm done. I actually get pretty offended when people get angry with me in these situations.

Luckily I'm switching to a new teacher next year. He is an excellent teacher, but I can't deal with this negativity anymore. This is bull shit.

2007-04-22T13:48:00.000-07:00

WHAT'S THIS... A GIRL? ...INTERESTED?!

Here's the deal on my re-emerging love life.

There's a girl in my church choir who also goes to school with me, though I rarely see her around there. Let's call her pageant girl (she used to do these, aparently)

Well, pageant girl has had a boyfriend for almost 2 years, which puts her firmly off my radar, and is why you haven't heard about her before. But, she and I have been talking more lately. We've played together at gigs recently and have been going out to them just the two of us, giving us lots of time to talk.

In that time I've pretty well figured out that she's interested. Because she told me on Friday (it doesn't take a detective...). I'm very respectful of relationships, but I couldn't not say anything... I told her I think she's very attractive. This of course, inevitably, leads to her and her boyfriend breaking up today. Wonderful.

Do I feel guilty? No, I wouldn't have had her do that. That said, it was going to happen anyway, and it sounds like it was somewhat mutual... though I'm not sure.

Is she relationship material? Maybe, I don't know yet... but at least there might be some dating and maybe some booty in my future. That would be nice. Like. REALLY nice.

I'll let you know what happens...

2007-04-19T23:30:00.000-07:00

HNT

By request from Vix... sorry, the quality is poor, damn phone camera...

2007-04-18T19:07:00.000-07:00

WOW

I've spent the last week staring at a computer screen, mostly. School is coming to a close soon and I really want to get as much help from my teacher as possible on my new piece. It's for full orchestra and I think it may be the piece that puts me "on the map".

Stuff this large is really time consuming though, so there hasn't been much social stuff going on lately. I've seen a few women around my building that *may* be interested, but I haven't really made any efforts. It all seems pointless, I'm leaving for home in a month - and then I'll come back here after a month - and then home for another month... I'm starting to think the next few months are going to be lonely.

I've had a few girls express interest in hooking up, but I'm just not in the mood for that. Don't get me wrong, I miss sex. A lot. But I was dissapointed with myself for some of the hookups I had after K. I'm not that guy.

Ideas? Yeah, me neither. HNT coming up next.

2007-04-12T14:54:00.000-07:00

I MISS SLEEP...

I woke up 2 hours before my alarm was set to go off today... I had a dream about First Love and couldn't go back to sleep. It was bizarre, when it was going on I really felt like we were still together. When I woke up and realized it was a dream I felt like I'd just found out she got married again. It was... unpleasant.

-------------

In less sad and pathetic news, I've got a new Meme assignment from Vix (I do enjoy these things). The rules are, someone picks a letter for you and you have to state 10 things you like and dislike starting with that letter. My letter is S... here goes!

I Like:

1. Snacking, with a vengeance - I don't even eat meals anymore.
2. Sex - like you didn't see that coming.
3. Shower Sex - even better!
4. Slutty Holloween Costumes - Keep 'em coming ladies.
5. Singing - And it pays pretty well.
6. Sleeping Over - Nothing like waking up next to someone special.
7. Steak - I'm a steak whore.
8. Sci-fi - I'm also a NERD.
9. Sweating - love a good workout, in whatever form in may come....
10. Short ladies - As long as they're shorter than me.

I Dislike:

1. Salad - Tastes fine, just takes too long to eat.
2. Starting Conversation (with women) - I'm terrible at it.
3. Standing - Seriously, can't we sit to sing through a 2 hour rehearsal?
4. Shaving - I don't mind the act, I just don't like that it makes me break out.
5. Self-Righteous People - Get out of your ivory tower and join the rest of us.
6. Shorts - The only way you're seeing my white ass legs is if you're about to see my penis.
7. Sloppy Kisses - My face is not a lollipop. Clean it up.
8. Standardized Tests - I'm 23. Stop making me take them.
9. Scrubs at the Gym - Move more than 2 plates or get out of my way.
10. Strippers - Why would I pay good money for glorified softcore when I can get real porn for free on the net?

Anybody else wanna play?

2007-04-09T18:11:00.000-07:00

BIG NEWS!

So I went to get my mail today, and you'll never guess what came from my school. A nice little notification that I've just been awarded a graduate assistantship worth the FULL, that's right, FULL cost of my tuition.

That is over 30,000 dollars per year. I am officially on a full ride scholarship!

I seriously can't stop smiling... I need to celebrate. I'll get the booze, you get the strippers.

2007-04-04T18:34:00.000-07:00

IF I WAS A HORSE....

The doctors would have shot me by now. Don't get me wrong, I do get compared to horses pretty often. You know, cause of the *HUGE PENIS*... Anyway. I gave in and went to the doctor today. I hate the doctor. You pay them to tell you what you already know, and then they give you some medicine that doesn't work. BUT, if after a week the condition is getting worse, then it's time to see the quack.

I'm now on anti-biotics and useless cough medicine. Keeping my fingers crossed for the anti-biotics to work.

-----------------

I wish I had something fun to report.... but not really. Conversations with New Years Eve Girl have started back up, though, which is nice. I remain intrigued by her, and I think there is a possibility of something happening there this summer. I'm going to try not to think about it too much for the next month, but it would be great to see her again.

Peace out, hommies.

2007-04-02T15:00:00.000-07:00

WHAT THE HELL DAY IS IT?

I woke up today and I thought maybe it was Saturday. After pondering for a few minutes I finally figured out it was Monday.

Waking up while sick is always a treat. The runny nose has crystalized, thus forcing me to sleep with an open mouth all night. Good morning cotton mouth, sore throat and severly chapped lips. Worse yet, I have really weird, really vivid dreams when I'm sick. I always wake up straight out of those dreams and have no idea where I'm at or what day it is. Bizarre.

I hate it.

---------------

Things with Southern Belle have finally gotten back on the healthy side. She seems to be handling things pretty well now. I think it helped that we had a talk. She asked me to tell her anything else that was on my mind about her, so I did. I told her that I think some of our communication problems (the conversation just not being there) stemmed from the fact that she would never really open up to me.

I never knew when something was bothering her, and in the end it created a barrier between us. When you couple that with a lack of an open physical relationship, the whole thing ended up feeling sort of shallow.

She said she understood, and that she wants to work on it. I don't know what to expect, but maybe she will really take it to heart and start being more open with me. I do believe there's a chance of something in the future, so I'm glad things are going well now.

---------------

As far as other women? Nothing going on. Nothing. Boo.

I figured out that to have a chance with the girl in my building I would basically have to stalk her. She didn't give me her apartment number, the building manager did... so unfortunately I can't just stop by.

Bummer... And as far as girls at school... well, I pretty much decided to not date at school anymore. Too small, too much gossip. Maybe I need to start hitting the bars?

2007-03-29T12:06:00.000-07:00

HNT

It's been a while... I'm actually really damn sick right now, so I'm doing this cause I lub you.

Been workin' on them abs!

2007-03-26T13:08:00.000-07:00

SOUTHERN BELLE

So I think I left you guys sort of hanging with this... and besides, I could REALLY use some advice here.

As you know, I had been dreading breaking up with Southern Belle for many weeks. We've seen each other nearly every day for the last 2 months, and she's really become my best friend here. I knew that this would not be easy.

So, sometime last week, I finally sat her down and told her how I feel. I was honest, but did hold some things back. I told her I like her, a lot. But we've been dating for 2 months, and if I'm not feeling like being in a committed relationship yet, then I'm just not going to right now. That's all true.

What I didn't say is, the reason I feel that way is because the conversation just isn't there like it should be, and she's awkward when it comes to being physical (the little bit we have). When it comes down to it, I feel like I'm dating a girl. A very smart, wonderful, fantastic girl. But a girl. Not a woman. The fact is, I'm not going to fall in love with a girl. I may grow to love her over time, but not in the way she deserves to be loved.

All of that may change in time. I told her that, for the time being, we should step back to being friends. My reasoning is that if we really have a shot at being together, it would be better not to force a relationship now while I'm not feeling it. I really believe this, and I think she believed me too.

She took everything surprisingly well... we hung out the rest of the night and had a great time. As much as I'd been dreading the conversation with her, it all went well. I thought.

Well, I got an e-mail from her Saturday afternoon. She cancelled our plans for the evening, and told me she was having a hard time. She said it would be best if she could take some time before seeing me again, and then abrubtly ended the e-mail. I saw her later that day as I was leaving the gym and she looked like she had been crying.

I don't know what to do. My heart sank past my stomach. I came back to my apartment and stared at the wall for 30 minutes, trying not to cry. This girl is going through hell and there's nothing I can do about it. She's my best friend here, and we haven't spoken for days now. I want her to know I'm here for her. I want her to talk to me, or something. I don't know.

People. What can I do? She hasn't returned my e-mails. I'm losing my best friend.

2007-03-23T20:39:00.000-07:00

GOOD LORD IS IT THE 23RD?

I've missed you guys.... I'm sorry. And, oh my... there's too much to catch up on, so I'm going to give a very short recap of the last few weeks.

For starters I had my spring break last week and it. was. awesome. I slept until 11 am every day (I know, I'm a sloth) and then worked on music *all* day, *every* day. I mean, I left my apartment about 3 times that week to work out, and that's it. It was beautiful. I can't begin to tell you how much shit I got done.

People made fun of me when I told them what my break was like, but this is a competitive business, and I plan to make a living at it. It's reassuring to me that I can enjoy working that much.

Other than that? Females, females, females... where do I start? I've been having more sex dreams lately, which can only mean one thing, I'm about to get so horny I'm gonna do something stupid... and I don't want to do that. So... here's to hoping I'll find a nice girl before that happens.

I've got this huge crush on a girl that lives in my building. I chatted with her a bit last Saturday on the elevator but I was hung over and wasn't feeling ballsy enough to ask her out. It was one of those moments where by the time I realized she was actually into me it was too late because she was walking away. Girls aren't always so easy to read, so I couldn't believe I didn't pick up on it and ask her... You'd better believe I was kicking myself all day for that one.

Well, I asked the building manager about her. He likes me (like wants to see me naked, likes me), so he gave me some dirt. Told me where she lives, that she just broke up with her boyfriend about a month ago. I told him this is kinda a big deal (you ever just get that feeling?), and if he could try to introduce us I would be FOREVER in his debt. I'm waiting patiently....

Any ideas?

2007-03-09T16:53:00.000-08:00

HOLY SHIT

Jee-zus, I blinked and this week was GONE. This was seriously a busy week, between dealing with my neck and trying to finish the piece I've been working on, I feel like I haven't sat down since Monday. I was up till 4 am 3 nights this week.

So, I woke up on Monday and the neck felt good enough to not go to the doctor, but still hurt. It's still giving me trouble, enough that I've only worked out twice this week for fear of reinjury. Not cool. I'm hoping to get back to a regular routine starting Monday.

The good news is: the piece is done, the professor I wrote it for likes it, he plays in the symphony here, and with any luck he'll spread the word to his colleauges in the symphony. Makes the 4 am nights feel worth it!

BTW, Professor, I thought about you this week when we covered production of musicals in one of my music ed classes... sounds like a shit ton of work!

In any case, I'm off to deep clean my apartment and then take an evening for myself (porn, TV, food, porn, sleep - in that order). G'night

2007-03-04T19:51:00.000-08:00

I NEED A DOCTOR

Yep, I definetly pulled something. The pain I feel in my neck anytime I try to raise my right arm, look to my right, hold my head upright, or do just about anything else, can only be described as several midgets clinging onto my back and repeatedly stabbing me.

So I woke up with a crick in my neck, but decided that since my lifting partners were at the gym today I still needed to go. Bad idea. By the time I was done lifting, I could not look to my right at all.

And here's the best part, I have tons of shit to do tomorrow! I don't know if I'm even going to be able to sleep. I've been lying on the couch for 5 hours alternating ice and heat, downing Motrins and getting a neck massage from a very sweet girl, and I'm STILL in pain. I had to lie on the ground to get a shirt on.

So we're going to see. If I wake up tomorrow and it's as bad as it was today, I'm going to the hospital.

2007-03-02T23:19:00.000-08:00

TRYING TO GET BACK TO THIS

Busy busy, which is good and bad. I've developed more of a rhythm for my writing lately, which is GREAT. I'm still not writing as much as I was last year, but I'm working towards it. I think my head is in the right place now to make good music, I just need to devote the proper time, and it's getting better.

So, most free moments I'm sitting down at the piano or computer and writing my ass off. The problem is I don't feel like I have free time for anything else. I don't want to stop to write blog entries or clean my apartment (you should have seen it last week) or eat or go out. I'm getting stuff done, so I can't complain, but I've got some ideas for blocking off composing time (more like last year), so I don't feel so much like I have to do it every free moment.

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GREAT NEWS. The director of the wind ensemble (band) here at my new school has decided to have his group play my band piece next year.

HOLY CRAP.

This is big. None of the other composers are having their music played by any of the large ensembles here. None. In fact, I don't know that ANY composition students have ever had their music played by the band or orchestra while they were in school here.

Having this piece playing in my undergraduate was good, having it played here is PHENOMENAL. This school is a big name, and some good things are bound to come from this.

AND, that's not the only big news. I got into the masters of music education program, so I'm now a double masters student in composition and education. F - yeah. AND, I'm in the running for an assistantship with the education program that would pay my FULL tuition. Somebody pinch me.

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Just watched this new show, The Black Donnellys. I honestly thought it didn't look like a very good mob show, but let me tell you, the pilot show was awesome. This is the end of the first show, so be warned for a spoiler, at your own risk, but I thought some of you might appreciate the music choice. The show is done well, check it out!

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Well, it's 2:50 in the morning, and you know what that means. Back to writing! Love ya'll.

2007-02-21T11:17:00.000-08:00

I SUCK!

I'm sorry y'all... I have no excuse, but here's a few anyway.

For starters, I went home over the weekend, and aside from being really busy with friends and family, my parents have a terrible internet connection. It's all I can do to wait 5 minutes for my e-mail to load.

Also, things with Southern Belle remain unresolved, and I don't know about you, but I have a hard time writing about other things when I have one big thing on my mind.

Well, for those wondering, I DID have a conversation with her about it. Last night actually (I just got home yesterday). I told her that I respect her more than she knows, I told her that I think girls like her are one in a million, I told her that I would never push her to do anything she wouldn't want to do. BUT. I told her I just think that intimacy is a part of an adult relationship, and that it's something I need.

As suspected, she stayed firm that she had boundaries and didn't want them crossed. No sex. No foreplay. Nothing.

What to do? I told her that I need more time. I'm not ready to break up with a wonderful girl just yet. We're going to keep things at dating for a while and I'm going to see if I can make it work.

My concern is that this is leading her on, but I'm really giving this a shot... and I feel better that she knows exactly what's on my mind and at least understands (and doesn't think I'm a bastard), even if she can't see things from my perspective.

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In any case, I missed you guys! I'll be around to your blogs soon!