KEEPING SECRETS FROM MYSELF
Really, it's more like keeping myself busy so I won't realize how sad I am about past loves. I keep myself busy with work, working out, music, and women. To others I appear to be a lucky, healthy, happy person... and I am. But there is a hole in there, some bitterness that remains from losing love.
Depression runs in my family, and when I get bored, I can see why. My mind wanders straight to what I've been trying to forget for years.
It's times like this that I wonder how I would deal with TRUE tragedy. What if I were married, and lost my wife. I've read about a woman losing her husband in another blog. I wonder how she manages to go on. I can't imagine how many times her pain is magnified compared to mine, yet mine feels unbearable at times.
I can't read her blog any longer. It weighs too heavily on me.
In any case, please don't worry about me. I tend to slip in and out of phases where I deal with this situation more, and I've always been fine, because I am truly blessed enough to have a constant true love in my life. Music. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I feel like it saved my life a few years ago. Honestly.
The truth of the matter is that it is possible to be in love with more than one person in your lifetime. I had barely gotten back on the dating bandwagon (two years) after my first love when I fell in love again. Though this caused a lot of hard times in my life, I'm thankful that I was able to see that it is possible to find love again. I feel like I was shown this...
Really, it's more like keeping myself busy so I won't realize how sad I am about past loves. I keep myself busy with work, working out, music, and women. To others I appear to be a lucky, healthy, happy person... and I am. But there is a hole in there, some bitterness that remains from losing love.
Depression runs in my family, and when I get bored, I can see why. My mind wanders straight to what I've been trying to forget for years.
It's times like this that I wonder how I would deal with TRUE tragedy. What if I were married, and lost my wife. I've read about a woman losing her husband in another blog. I wonder how she manages to go on. I can't imagine how many times her pain is magnified compared to mine, yet mine feels unbearable at times.
I can't read her blog any longer. It weighs too heavily on me.
In any case, please don't worry about me. I tend to slip in and out of phases where I deal with this situation more, and I've always been fine, because I am truly blessed enough to have a constant true love in my life. Music. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I feel like it saved my life a few years ago. Honestly.
The truth of the matter is that it is possible to be in love with more than one person in your lifetime. I had barely gotten back on the dating bandwagon (two years) after my first love when I fell in love again. Though this caused a lot of hard times in my life, I'm thankful that I was able to see that it is possible to find love again. I feel like I was shown this...
posted by Composer at 10:56 PM
3 Comments:
I think that you will find that as you get older, you see how everything "happens for a reason"... sometimes it doesn't play itself out for years, but then there's a time you look back and see why these things happened and how they shaped your life.
My two cents...
I do agree... and had my first love worked out, there is a very good chance I would have never discovered my love of music. My life would be so different, and not in a better way. A very scary thought to me.
It is best, when I get down, to look at how great my life is now, and how those "wrong turns" ended up pointing me in the right direction.
In the end, I truly believe that I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than marry someone I didn't truly love. If there is any real blessing in losing a love, for me, it's that it set the bar rightfully high. I know my own feelings much better now.
That sounds sad... I still have a lot of hope. After all, I'm only 22.
(perhaps this should have been a post)
Sometimes love just aint enough, to quote an ever popular song. Hang in there...
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