UPDATE
Okey dokey. What day is it?
Oh right, Thursday, here I go.
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I finally broke up with that snarky bitch, blind date girl. I'm not gonna lie, I was only in it for the booty, and it was pretty tough to do... but she said yet another thing that pissed me off and I just did it right that second. I think she thinks she broke up with me, but luckily I'm not in the 8th grade and I don't care who "wins". (Besides, I win cause I don't have to see her again. Ha!)
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One of the groups at the school played my piece last night in concert and it went very well. I got all kinds of compliments, and I really felt good about it. It's nice to get your name out there among your colleauges.
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The semester is winding down, which means I am gearing up for tests, papers, and projects. Not my favorite time of year. The next two weeks should be very busy.
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I find that when I'm busy, I'm usually up late a lot. That's a tough thing. Never do you feel more alone than at 3 AM.
In general I feel fairly alone here. My friends have started pairing off into couples (some pretty bizarre pairings too!) and turning down invitations to dinner and such. I don't really take it personally, I haven't known these people very long, but it would be nice to have 1 person, male or female, that I could really trust.
I had two really great guy friends back home that, if worst came to worst, would have been there for me through anything. I think just knowing that was there helped, and I do miss it.
-------------------
As I play the dating game more, I wonder. I've had intense feelings three times in my life. One of those I would really describe as love, the others were certainly close, but I needed more time. None of those women felt as strongly about me. They all liked me a lot. But it wasn't the same.
In all of those cases, I was pretty much hooked from the start. With the first two, my initial impression (the source of so much of the chemistry) was right on. I think with K, I saw what she wanted me to see at first. But... that's not the point, the point is - I know what I'm really attracted to, what's going to make me see stars and make sparks fly... it is:
A strong personality, strong convictions and a sense of humor that compliments mine (someone who laughs at my stupid jokes and makes me laugh).
These are the three things that the women had in common.
What worries me is that I see women like this around. The kind of girls I know I fall for, and I shy away. I have yet to really work on talking to any of them, instead I tend to focus on what I think are attainable girls. Cute, nice, smart... but no real chemistry. I think I might be in a rut here, and I'm not sure what to do.
Okey dokey. What day is it?
Oh right, Thursday, here I go.
-------------------
I finally broke up with that snarky bitch, blind date girl. I'm not gonna lie, I was only in it for the booty, and it was pretty tough to do... but she said yet another thing that pissed me off and I just did it right that second. I think she thinks she broke up with me, but luckily I'm not in the 8th grade and I don't care who "wins". (Besides, I win cause I don't have to see her again. Ha!)
-------------------
One of the groups at the school played my piece last night in concert and it went very well. I got all kinds of compliments, and I really felt good about it. It's nice to get your name out there among your colleauges.
-------------------
The semester is winding down, which means I am gearing up for tests, papers, and projects. Not my favorite time of year. The next two weeks should be very busy.
-------------------
I find that when I'm busy, I'm usually up late a lot. That's a tough thing. Never do you feel more alone than at 3 AM.
In general I feel fairly alone here. My friends have started pairing off into couples (some pretty bizarre pairings too!) and turning down invitations to dinner and such. I don't really take it personally, I haven't known these people very long, but it would be nice to have 1 person, male or female, that I could really trust.
I had two really great guy friends back home that, if worst came to worst, would have been there for me through anything. I think just knowing that was there helped, and I do miss it.
-------------------
As I play the dating game more, I wonder. I've had intense feelings three times in my life. One of those I would really describe as love, the others were certainly close, but I needed more time. None of those women felt as strongly about me. They all liked me a lot. But it wasn't the same.
In all of those cases, I was pretty much hooked from the start. With the first two, my initial impression (the source of so much of the chemistry) was right on. I think with K, I saw what she wanted me to see at first. But... that's not the point, the point is - I know what I'm really attracted to, what's going to make me see stars and make sparks fly... it is:
A strong personality, strong convictions and a sense of humor that compliments mine (someone who laughs at my stupid jokes and makes me laugh).
These are the three things that the women had in common.
What worries me is that I see women like this around. The kind of girls I know I fall for, and I shy away. I have yet to really work on talking to any of them, instead I tend to focus on what I think are attainable girls. Cute, nice, smart... but no real chemistry. I think I might be in a rut here, and I'm not sure what to do.
posted by Composer at 9:14 PM
6 Comments:
Oh dearheart. It will happen. It will. It's hard when you are so aware of what you are looking for, interested in relationship wise....
And good riddence to blind date girl. That was going no where. But hey, good sex is good sex. NOTHING wrong with getting yourself some of *that*. ;)
Are you going home for the holidays?
I tend to agree with my girlie EE.
You are definately looking too hard, just roll with it honey.
You're consciously "picking" women out based on well, what you see at face/body value. I honestly have to say the times in my life when I was in love, were the guys who weren't in any mold. The ones who weren't particularly "my type." Gotta let the good old guard down there a little.
On a different note, glad to hear the concert went well. You are so extremely talented, it's nice to see other people feel the same way :-)
Have a good weekend honey!
EE - Haha, good riddance indeed. And I think you're right, there's nothing wrong with enjoying sex... this is the first time I've really treated it casually and, I think it's about time I had some fun. I'm 22 damn years old.
As far as the relationships, yes, it's tough when I know what I'm looking for... but I consider myself lucky that I had the bar set so high at a young age (18-19). I knew then what it was like to truly, deeply care, and I recognize now when I just won't feel that way about someone. It's a blessing in disguise, I believe.
Breeze - I understand what you're saying, but don't entirely agree. The reason I date around is because people can surprise you. Take LL for example, the second of the 3 "special" (for lack of a better term) girls. I doubted that she and I were a match (physically and personality), and was friends with her for a few weeks before asking her on a date. I didn't go in with high hopes. What resulted was, at the time, the best date of my life. I fell pretty hard for her after that.
What I'm trying to say is that as I get older, I'm recognizing more of what it is that seems to really make that connection for me... and I don't seem to be going after those kind of girls, because maybe I'm scared I could fall again.
I hope I explained that better, does that make sense?
Count me in with the agreement with ee and Breez- they are right. Wise women and I can't add anymore!
And congrats on the concert. Good luck on papers and such- this time of teh semester always bites!
In a way we're saying the same thing and in a way we're not.
I was trying to say that letting go will bring you someone you weren't so sure about, and maybe you will fall for them- much like you explained.
On the other hand, you're saying your not persuing women because you're "scared of falling again."
This is the part I'm confused about.
You're right, you're 22. But you have an incredibly mature mind about you.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't "not" do something because it scares you. You need to dive in.
No great reward has ever been had without great risk.
Or maybe I'm talking nonsense again...hehehe... totally possible!
I hope things go the way you want them to, you deserve the best and I've got nothing but love for you honey!!!
''Never do you feel more alone than at 3 AM.''
You're telling me?!!!
I hate the feeling of loneliness!
You know something?
I've been single for long time now, and when I found JJV I thought that I didn't have to look anymore or wait for anybody ever again...but I was wrong...
Things will happen when it times ...
don't worry, I am sure there is someone out there...just waiting to find you...
And you don't have to wait anymore...
:)
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