IF THERE IS ONE THING THAT IS CERTAIN IN THIS LIFE...
It's that somebody is going to be miserable.
Sigh.
Well, my pianist friend (whose first name unfortunately starts with a K, so we're going to call her KC, I guess), who had, I percieved, taken an interest in me - I was wrong. She REALLY took an interest in me.
Let me start out by saying that the girl is great. She's a genuinely good person, incredibly smart, cute, fun. She's a great friend, who really has my best interest at heart... but I know when there's no chemistry there, and it's just not there. I hate that I can't have deeper feelings for such a good person, but believe me, I've tried to make relationships work when there was no chemistry. You're better off just cutting that person's heart out with a knife and handing it to them.
In the last few days, her touchy feeliness increased a lot... and she leaned in for a kiss more than once. I turned away, but I still made the mistake of not bringing it up right then. Though I did want to feel that close to someone again, to kiss her, I didn't.
So, last night, I sat her down and told her that I'm not ready for a relationship. It's true, I'm not - but that's not the real reason. I just don't see her in that way... but for the first time in a LONG time, I couldn't tell someone the honest reason why it wouldn't work. I think she was really hurt. I can honestly say that conversation was harder than full fledged relationship breakup talks I've had.
I saw her tonight and I could see how sad she was. It's so painful to see that... a good person so miserable. I think our friendship will survive, because I care about it, but I worry for her. She was so distressed last night. This is a girl who, like me, doesn't form strong feelings easily... the difference though, is that she doesn't date around in the meantime. She's had one relationship of one month in her entire life, and that's it.
The best thing I can do, I think, is to try to make sure that she doesn't feel stupid or humiliated, as is often a first reaction to this sort of thing. The best way I think to do that is to just keep being her friend. I know that in the past, I felt like a fool for losing girls as friends because I tried to make something more happen... but looking back, I see that it was THEY who chose not to keep the friendship going, it wasn't my fault then... but if this friendship is lost, it will be my fault.
In any case, it can be quite hard to be the one doing the hurting too. It would make me sympathize with K, if she had ever shown any remorse or if she was trying at all to be my friend. I doubt that she actually feels 100% alright with the breakup, but she's never shown anything but cold. It's a good situation for me to learn from to deal with this predicament. I don't want to handle this the way she did.
....It's late and I feel like my writing quality is sucking terribly. Best to hit the sack now before I really start rambling.
It's that somebody is going to be miserable.
Sigh.
Well, my pianist friend (whose first name unfortunately starts with a K, so we're going to call her KC, I guess), who had, I percieved, taken an interest in me - I was wrong. She REALLY took an interest in me.
Let me start out by saying that the girl is great. She's a genuinely good person, incredibly smart, cute, fun. She's a great friend, who really has my best interest at heart... but I know when there's no chemistry there, and it's just not there. I hate that I can't have deeper feelings for such a good person, but believe me, I've tried to make relationships work when there was no chemistry. You're better off just cutting that person's heart out with a knife and handing it to them.
In the last few days, her touchy feeliness increased a lot... and she leaned in for a kiss more than once. I turned away, but I still made the mistake of not bringing it up right then. Though I did want to feel that close to someone again, to kiss her, I didn't.
So, last night, I sat her down and told her that I'm not ready for a relationship. It's true, I'm not - but that's not the real reason. I just don't see her in that way... but for the first time in a LONG time, I couldn't tell someone the honest reason why it wouldn't work. I think she was really hurt. I can honestly say that conversation was harder than full fledged relationship breakup talks I've had.
I saw her tonight and I could see how sad she was. It's so painful to see that... a good person so miserable. I think our friendship will survive, because I care about it, but I worry for her. She was so distressed last night. This is a girl who, like me, doesn't form strong feelings easily... the difference though, is that she doesn't date around in the meantime. She's had one relationship of one month in her entire life, and that's it.
The best thing I can do, I think, is to try to make sure that she doesn't feel stupid or humiliated, as is often a first reaction to this sort of thing. The best way I think to do that is to just keep being her friend. I know that in the past, I felt like a fool for losing girls as friends because I tried to make something more happen... but looking back, I see that it was THEY who chose not to keep the friendship going, it wasn't my fault then... but if this friendship is lost, it will be my fault.
In any case, it can be quite hard to be the one doing the hurting too. It would make me sympathize with K, if she had ever shown any remorse or if she was trying at all to be my friend. I doubt that she actually feels 100% alright with the breakup, but she's never shown anything but cold. It's a good situation for me to learn from to deal with this predicament. I don't want to handle this the way she did.
....It's late and I feel like my writing quality is sucking terribly. Best to hit the sack now before I really start rambling.
posted by Composer at 11:15 PM
3 Comments:
Awww, that's a tough situation. You handled it the right way. It's hard when you see someone develop feelings towards you that you just can't reciprocate. And it definately makes you much better of a person to handle it the way you did, then to lead her on in any sense.
***hugs***
Ohhhh, looky Composer....you're very own SPAM! ;)
*smooches* just checking in on ya, lol.
that's a tough spot to be in...at least you did tell her. chemistry is important...it is.
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