I SUCK!

I'm sorry y'all... I have no excuse, but here's a few anyway.

For starters, I went home over the weekend, and aside from being really busy with friends and family, my parents have a terrible internet connection. It's all I can do to wait 5 minutes for my e-mail to load.

Also, things with Southern Belle remain unresolved, and I don't know about you, but I have a hard time writing about other things when I have one big thing on my mind.

Well, for those wondering, I DID have a conversation with her about it. Last night actually (I just got home yesterday). I told her that I respect her more than she knows, I told her that I think girls like her are one in a million, I told her that I would never push her to do anything she wouldn't want to do. BUT. I told her I just think that intimacy is a part of an adult relationship, and that it's something I need.

As suspected, she stayed firm that she had boundaries and didn't want them crossed. No sex. No foreplay. Nothing.

What to do? I told her that I need more time. I'm not ready to break up with a wonderful girl just yet. We're going to keep things at dating for a while and I'm going to see if I can make it work.

My concern is that this is leading her on, but I'm really giving this a shot... and I feel better that she knows exactly what's on my mind and at least understands (and doesn't think I'm a bastard), even if she can't see things from my perspective.

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In any case, I missed you guys! I'll be around to your blogs soon!

BLEH

I come to you slightly bummed today at -

1. The way things seem to have ended up with New Years Eve girl.

2. The way I think things are going to end up with Southern Belle.

3. The way my writing is going.

I honestly don't even want to talk about New Years Eve girl, that situation just sucks. As far as Southern Belle... I've tried every which way to be OK with the fact that we're never going beyond kissing, but it's just not going to work. This sucks. I feel like a bastard because I can't get over something like that... but to tell the truth, I think if it was love, I'd be willing to deal with anything.

Here's an example. We're lying in her bed kissing, 2 nights ago. I would never try anything if I know she wouldn't go for it. That's fine. I've been very respectful. But as we're laying side by side, I try to gently grab her leg and guide it behind mine (so we're a bit more "locked in"), I can feel her fight me (or at least not go with me, I'm not sure). So I stop. Maybe she's not comfortable with that... ok... so I start kissing her neck, and roll above her as I do. For practicality, it's easier if my legs are inbetween hers, but when I go to move her leg, again I feel her fight me (does she think I'm going to dry hump her or what?)... so I'm trying to akwardly hold myself up as I kiss her. By this point, you can imagine that frustration has taken over most feelings of arousal, so I stop kissing her and put my neck near her face. I say, "it's ok if you'd like to kiss my neck you know," and she does. About 3 pecks.

Ho. ly. shit. This, literally, feels like the early years of high school all over again... and at least I was getting to 2nd base back then. It's clear that she is not comfortable with any forms of physicality, and honestly, I doubt she is ever going to be able to enjoy sex, even with the person she marries.

It's important, just as important as any other part of a healthy relationship - and if everything is not just right, I'm not going to get into a relationship.

So now I have to figure out how to tell this otherwise wonderful girl that I don't want to be with her. That's going to be a blast.

I DUNNO

Really, I don't know. I've tried to write about my thoughts with Southern Belle many times, but I can't seem to put everything together coherently. I keep saying the same things and then deleting it. I'm still struggling with her lack of experience...

Other than that? Of course any time I get remotely involved more options arise. I swear girls smell a taken man. I do use that term liberally... but I wouldn't date another girl at the same time in such a small school. That would be dating life suicide.

sigh.

UM EXCUSE ME WHAT NOW?

That's all I could say to this -

"Well... I've never kissed a guy before..."

That's right folks. I took her kissing virginity. What the hell? Southern Belle will be 22 in about a month... and I just. don't. understand.

I leaned in to kiss her and I immediately felt her tense up. She kissed me back... but she kinda missed. Her lips ended up halfway off mine. So I tried again, and she did it again. I asked her if she was ok and that's when she dropped that little bomb. Later on I had to kind of hold her head in place so I could get her to kiss me right.

Honestly now. I thought we were past this stuff at this age. I just don't know how I feel about this. Does this mean there would be no messing around at all? ...Ever? Sometimes it doesn't matter how great everything else is. If you're not at all physical, you're just really good friends. Know what I mean?

Who knows though, maybe that stuff will come with time... I'm not going to freak out just yet.

BESIDES that little tidbit, everything went fine. She made me dinner and we watched some movies. It was a good time, as it always is with her. I'm not going to be rushing into a relationship yet though... I'll be keeping ya'll updated.

OOPS, PART DEUX

Alright... I'm big enough to admit when I'm wrong, as much as it pains me.

HR (to be referred to as the Southern Belle from here on out) is really amazing. She, as mentioned before, is smart, talented and beautiful... well, once I gave her more time, I realized that she is also incredibly goofy and funny. The girl makes me laugh, and she's sweet beyond words. Awesome. Last week I asked her if she could drive me somewhere and she wasn't able to... so the next day I come home and there's a card on my door apologizing for it. How freaking adorable is that?

Oh, and she bought me last of the mohicans on DVD for my birthday. Mega mega brownie points.

Meanwhile, things with TS (to be referred to as New Years Eve girl) have steadily slowed. I had friends warn me that she might be a flake and I think I'm seeing it now. As wonderful as the conversation is... it's not everything. I've noticed she's less and less reliable in contact, and suddenly our plans to meet when I came home took a step back from definetly to probably. That sucks ya'll. It was not easy booking a flight home, and not cheap either. Seeing her was not the only reason I was going home, but it was the biggest one.

So... this is a first. 99.9% of the time, I know how I feel about someone almost immediately (within a week or so). Either I'm really into them, or I'm not. With Southern Belle... things have slowly gotten better. Every time I've seen her she grows on me a little more. It's really odd, to be honest.

I've been really upfront and honest with her about the situation with NYE girl this whole time, and I've really been respectful of her space... but I decided that I'm not going to let a good thing go, and I told her that. Tomorrow is our first official date, and folks, I'm really excited about it.

WHY ARE YOU SORRY?

Apparently everybody's throwing a hissy fit. Fast food employees everywhere (at least that's what the news would have you believe) are upset that a superbowl ad is making fun of them. Well, for starters, it's not making fun of them, it's making fun of Kevin Federline - or more accurately - he's making fun of himself.

Story here

His reaction? He apologized. WHY? It's a joke. It's not even that offensive. You should never be sorry because people can't take a joke.

HNT

Yeah, I've taken some time off from this... thanks to Vix for kickin me in the ass. :)