HNT VOTE

So, just like Vix, I'm hoping to find out which of these three HNTs from this year you like the best. I have a favorite, and I'm curious if it's the same as everyone elses...

MEME

Ganked with pride from Vix!

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?

Moved far, far away. Gave a public recital of only my music. Directed a college level large ensemble. Got a paying job as a performer. ...and oh yeah, TOTALLY tried anal.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

My New Year's resolution was to try anal.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Probably one of my exes.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Definetly one of my exes. She learned HER lesson.

5. What countries did you visit?

Maryland.

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?

Poonanny.

7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory?

Graduation. Moving day. That day I found that snickers bar in the couch and it was still good.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Graduation. Getting into awesome school. That day I found that snickers bar in the couch and it was still good.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Oh jeez, there's lots.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Just a little rash downstairs. Anti-biotics cleared it right up.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My now deceased digital camera. Rest in Peace Canon Powershot 550.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

I'll go with the G-rents for chipping in to make grad school happen.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

K did... but I'm really in a better place with that now.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Porn.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

...porn.

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2006?

Hmm... probably the shit-tastic piece we sang in choir OVER and OVER and OVER again every day for the entire semester. It gives me nightmares.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

Happier or sadder? The same.
thinner or fatter? Thinner currently, I fluctuate.
richer or poorer? I'm richer in porn!

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

C'mon questionaire... you're making this way too easy to be dirty.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

procrastinating!

20. How will you be spending New Years?

Good motherfucking question!

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?

A few friends from home when I moved... and roxanne at that 900 number.

22. Did you fall in love in 2006?

Jury's out... but it doesn't matter now anyway.

23. How many one night stands in this last year?

Sigh. One. I'm an idiot.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

SCRUBS!!!!!!!!!!!

Quotes (from memory)

"People are bastard coated bastards with bastard filling" - Dr. Kelso

"I wasn't hiding... I was... um... I was... *sigh* I was looking for my dignity" - Elliot
"Did you find it?" - J.D.
"...No." - Elliot

"Son, have you ever used drugs?" - Dr. Kelso
"Drugs? No sir! Never tried them." - Kid
"..because this shot I'm about to give you will kill you if mixed with narcotics." - Dr. Kelso
"Drugs? Oh yes sir, use them all the time!" - Kid

"Todd, I am sick of all your sexual innuendo!" - Nurse
".... .... ... InYOURendo!" - The Todd

"Hey man, you were really impressive in the shower this morning... you know, dong-wise." - The Todd

"Ah, uncomfortable silences and alcohol. Just like thanksgiving at home." - J.D.

"Dr. Cox, does this lipstick make me look like a clown?" - Elliot
"No, Barbie... It makes you look like a prostitute who caters exclusively TO clowns." - Dr. Cox

26. What was the best book(s) you read?

"What if?" - A book about what might have been had pivitol battles and wars gone the other way. Fascinating stuff people. Fascinating... hey, where's everybody going?

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Oh my, too many to list... both for myself and other musicians.

28. What did you want and get?

Poonanny!

29. What did you want and not get?

A girl or two, some really good friendships in Baltimore (a discussion for another day)

30. What were your favorite films of this year?

V for Vendetta, Lady in the Water, Pirates 2, Batman Begins!!!, and many more I can't recall.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 22 on Jan. 23... and I can't remember! I think I spent it with my family. At the strip club (you can't touch the dancers grandpa!).

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Probably more performances of my music, nothing more satisfying than that.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?

I classed it up a little... bought some more dress shirts, wore them tucked in with jeans or slacks. Got a nice black peacoat, some well fitting sweaters.

34. What kept you sane?

Blogging, my music, my friends.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Kiera Knightly, Jennifer Connelly, Jude Law (I want to look like him, not do him)

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

OMG, that fucking douche that's running our country. My friends, he is a liar. He is a war mongerer, and if one more person tells me he "has good intentions" I'm going to smack them so hard they'll think Dick Cheney shot them.

There are only two words that justify keeping soon-to-be-former president Bush in office.

President Cheney

"Hey, did Iran just look at us the wrong way? Nuke 'em!"

37. Who did you miss?

My best friend and a couple other good friends.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

Probably my current choir director and good friend. Just a genuinely kind, humble, talented person.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.

When she asks if you know what a rimjob is, say NO THANK YOU.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?

Lyrics don't inspire me... and I can never find ones that fit me perfectly - only ones that remind me of my situations. I would say that a lot of Snow Patrol and Damien Rice captured that the best.

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So it's been awhile since I've posted... sorry! I do have stories from this week, nothing amazing, but some good stuff going on. I'll fill ya'll in soon!

MOVIES N' MORE

Not having cable here at the house has brought about the need for another form of entertainment. The internet does, in fact, get old (said the junkie).

I just finished watching V For Vendetta for a second time. I can't recommend this movie enough. For those who loved the first The Matrix, you'll love this more (and it's made by the same writer/directors). It nearly made me cry.

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I have been spending some much needed (and debateably deserved) relaxation time. Besides going to the gym, I've hardly left the house for two days. I've been drinking beer and playing video games. It's WONDERFUL. I'll get tired of it pretty quickly though, and it will be back to work that requires brain power.

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A while ago I adopted a policy of not making the first move unless I really felt the girl wanted me to. All my life I've strived to never make a girl feel pressured to do anything she didn't want to. I like to think I've succeeded.

This does, however, cause some problems.

I think that women expect men to pine after them. They expect that a man will ask her out on a date, move in for a kiss, try to take things further. Unfortunately, I don't like to do those things unless I feel like I've been invited to do so, and I take great effort in making sure I don't misinterpret a signal.

Why am I telling you this? I don't know. I think the way I act around women makes them think I'm not interested. That's not the case. I am, I just don't want to be that guy. The creepy one who they don't feel comfortable around. I want to be the one who was a gentleman from the start.

I'm starting to wonder if I should rethink my "strategy" (for lack of a better term). I think it's making me miss oportunities...

WISHING YOU A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS

Professor - Well... I WOULD wish for you to be back in civilization, to spend time with your family, to eat and go shopping at all your favorite places again... but you already got that wish! Shoot!

Alright then, I wish for you to have some fantastic sex, fantastic coffee, and some fantastic shoes!

Suri - I think I'm wishing you the same thing everyone else is, peace of mind. I haven't known you for long, but I know the heartache well. I wish for you to get what closure you need, in whatever form it comes, so you can move on and love and be loved by another. You deserve it.

Bree - I don't know much of what's going on now, but I know there is (or was) some romantic trouble going on. I wish for you to do what's right for you, and no one else... whatever that is.

Vix - What can I say? You're blessed beyond words, and I could not possibly be any happier for you. You give me hope, and you give me the strength to know I have to do what's right for me.

I wish for you only continued happiness, good running weather, that hot santa baby outfit, and for the love of God, DIET COKE!!!!

COMBATIVE GIRLS

So I was recently chatting with a friend from back home while in Baltimore. She had pretty obviously been interested in me at one point last year. I was somewhat interested as well, and we hung out in groups a few times. She's cute, a good musician, funny... well...

First time - She tried too hard. She talked the entire time, and throughout most of the movie. While some of it was funny, it got old pretty fast.

Second time - She didn't talk to me at all. I felt like she was mad at me.

So, obviously I didn't see it going anywhere. Luckily, I hadn't led her on, and I simply moved on.

Well. We're chatting, and for some reason she brings up that short period where we were hanging out. She says that I shot her down. I'm a bit taken back... and all I can muster is, "well, I had a lot of things going on then." Before I can finish, she says, "excuses, excuses."

Huh? It felt like she'd been holding that in for over a year and was just looking to get it out.

I've gone through similar experiences very recently with two other girls. Girls who confronted me about the fact that I'm not interested in them.

First was KC's full night argument about the fact that I held her hand once. Sigh. Then this girl. Then a girl from back home I went to a movie with. I never kissed even kissed any of these girls.

What the HELL?

I will NEVER understand how anyone could think this is going to solve anything. I will never feel bad about the fact that I'm not interested in someone emotionally. That's the way the world works. It sucks, but it's not my fault. It's not first love's fault that she didn't love me back. Why would I be mad at her about that? No one can help the way they feel.

Are they trying to make me feel bad? Are they expecting an apology? Do they want to "win" a moral victory? Do they think that confronting me will make me like them? I just don't understand what they think they will gain.

If I could look past all the things that K did to hurt me and still try to be her friend. If I could look past the ...past and not look to argue with her about it, why the hell do these girls think they can yell at me?

-----------------------

I was recently talking to KC about her new boyfriend. They were together after a week of dating, and two weeks after that are saying 'I love you' to one another. I think my brain just EXPLODED.

...anyway, she said, "are you ok with us dating?", to which I replied, "why wouldn't I be?" She says, "because of what happened between us." Folks, I can't stress this enough. Nothing happened. I held back an outburst of laughter, looked her straight in the eyes and said, "I'll manage."

-----------------------

How do I keep ending up with these kinds of girls? My guess - I'm looking for a woman, but girls keep finding me.

WORST 3 DAYS EVER

Well not really, but man alive, I never want to go this long without the net again.

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My flight home was delayed an hour... not too bad. I always seem to miss out on sitting next to the hot girls on the plane and end up with the redneck who asks me about my laptop for 3 hours.

I don't want to seem like a snob, he was a nice guy... but damnit, I want to sit next to a hottie.

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I'm in my old house now and... oh my good lord, it's amazing. Something about this place... I don't get it at my parents house, and I don't get it at my apartment... this is HOME. It's beautiful, it's comfortable, and it's the product of 2 years of hard work.

It's not exactly the same without my furniture of course, but the memories CONTINUALLY flood back. So much happened here. I had parties here, I said goodbye to my choir here, I lost my virginity here.

I don't want to leave.

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I'm working at my old job for a few days. It's very very busy, and I get to deal with trashy co-workers (I don't mind saying it... really only one in particular) and irate customers. It's funny, I used to let them get to me. Now, I just smile and let my eyes glaze over as their attitude goes in one ear and out the other. After which I calmly look them in the eyes and say, "...I'm sorry, I didn't catch all of that, but as I was saying..." Hahahahahaha, I love not caring anymore.

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Went on a double blind date tonight. One of my best friends always hooks me up... he's a great guy. It was fun, but I think mostly because he and his date were there. I don't see anything coming of it.

And oh yeah, they're all mormon... which is fine, I think they're great people (there is a big mormon population here...), but it does make one feel a bit out of the loop in conversation...

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BIG NEWS: I have tentative plans to hang out with the hot german teacher. OH MY DEAR LORD. If I could only describe to you the level of fantasy that this reaches for me... excuse me, I'm going to go to the bathroom for about 5 minutes....

LEAVING

Just an update, I'm leaving for the airport in about 15 minutes and probably won't be able to get on the net for a few days (I'll go f'n crazy!). I'm not sure how long actually, who knows.

Take care, and love ya'll!

BAD NEWS

Do you ever have one of those moments when you're not sure if you should be mad or not?

Today, I found out that the guy I picked to replace me as the choir director at my old church is being replaced. He was somewhat of a friend, but more of an acquaintance. I think he is a nice guy, but he tended to take things that choir members said too much to heart (there are some real bastards in the group), and he also didn't pick out enough fun music for the choir to sing. He was more of a classical guy, and while that's fine in some places, it doesn't work at that church.

I think, in the end, it's probably the right call for them. Here's what bothered me.

The pastor supposedly told him that had I still been there, this would have happened anyway, because they've been trying to get this new guy for several years.

WTF?

I BUSTED my ass at that place. The choir loved me. The congregation loved me. I picked out a really good blend of traditional and contemporary music, and I made sure the choir sounded awesome on all of it. I was a leader, despite my age. If he really had fired me to bring in someone else, I would have LOST it.

BUT, he didn't. In fact, he could have just been saying that to the new guy to make him feel better. Right? I don't know, and now I can't decide whether or not to be pissed. The very NOTION of them firing me when I poured so much heart and soul into that job just infuriates me. Crazy right?

I know, I know. I'm going to go take my happy pills and stare at the wall for a few hours.

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Editor's note (11:00 pm): My day is suddenly going better thanks to the fact that I just wrote an entire band piece in a day. A freakin' day people! I haven't been writing quickly for a while now and I can't tell you how good it feels to be (at least a little) prolific again.

Granted I'll still have to make some edits and other minor details, but the bulk of the work is done. Easiest $500 I ever made!

HEADING HOME

EE asked a while back and I forgot to mention that, yes, I am heading home for the holidays. For quite a while in fact, about three weeks.

I'm sharing a cab with KC (chick drives me LOCO) to head to the airport on Wednesday and then I'm working at one of my old jobs for the few days before Christmas.

The big plus here is that my old home, the one I loved SO MUCH, has not yet been sold, so that's where I'm going to be staying this break. WHOO! I feel a bit bad for my parents, who I could tell wanted me to stay with them. BUT, I got a nice big dose of that over Thanksgiving, and I'm saying no thanks.

It's not that I don't enjoy being around them, I do. BUT,

1. I miss my house a lot. I have a lot of memories from there and moreso, it's MINE. I want to be there.
2. I can't get as much work done at my parents place.
3. Being at their place makes me feel like I'm in high school again.
4. I'm going to be there plenty anyways to work out and do family stuff.

Not to mention I really can't bring a girl back to my parents place (not that I'm expecting that, but should it happen...).

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In other news. I'm proud to say that I really feel like I'm turning a corner and moving on. I can't say that it's any one thing, but if I had to guess, I'd say it's mainly just time. I realized it a day or two ago when I realized how little I'd thought of K lately. Moreso, when I do, there is almost no emotion left. Anger or otherwise.

Like I've said before, if there's one thing I've had going for me, it's that I've fallen hard before and managed to pick myself back up and move on. It makes it take much less time when it happens again.

I don't think my daily demeanor has changed at all, but my outlook on dating is much more optomistic, and I just don't feel that weight on my shoulders anymore. That's the biggest thing.

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I did have lunch with a very sweet girl on Sunday and got her number. I don't know if anything is going on there yet, but I am more intrigued than usual... I also asked out another girl, but she was leaving for break the next day. We have plans to hang out when I get back. Good things. Good things.

HNT.. NEVER ON TIME

If you haven't realized by now, you probably should - I tend to do things on my own schedule. So here's a HNT pic I took today. I've been taking better care of myself in just the last 2 or 3 weeks and I'm starting to see some improvement... my goal is a ripped midsection (the one thing I've never had!)

(Editor's note: I am NOT actually this white. I am forced to once again use my camera phone, which makes me seem even more pale)

I'M CRAZY

We all are. A friend was recently talking about this. He reached the conclusion that everyone is crazy, it pretty much just comes down to how well you hide it.

So, that admitted, here is my crazy view of the perfect woman, and what that translates to in what I look for physically.

First, she must be intelligent. Physically, to me, this usually means glasses.

She must be strong, physically this translates to short hair.

She must, at the same time, be elegant and womanly (not GIRLy)... physically this translates to being slender and graceful.

Finally, there has to be something different about her. Personality, sense of humor, something has to set her apart. Things that usually set a girl apart physically for me is fair skin, red hair, etc.

Like I've said before, this stuff never keeps me from dating around... but they are the things that turn me on the most.

P.S. Notice that Kiera Knightly comes up a lot in these pictures. That's because I love her and want to have her babies.

100 things about meme
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Color the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don’t COLOR (left in black) is false.

I'm stepping this up a notch, green is a little true, yellow is halfway true, and red is really really true. Why the ef not?

01. I miss somebody right now
02. I don’t watch much TV these days
03. I love olives
04. I love sleeping
05. I own lots of books
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses
07. I love to play video games
08. I’ve tried marijuana
09. I’ve watched porn movies
10. I have been in a threesome
11. I have had sex with a member of the same sex.
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy
13. I have acne free skin
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton
15. I curse frequently
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have a hobby
18. Christmas is my favorite holiday.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
20. I’m really, really smart
21. I’ve never broken someone’s bones (funny story...)
22. I have had an affair with a married person
23. I hate the rain
24. I’m paranoid at times
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe and free of cost.
26. I need money right now!
27. I love Sushi
28. I talk really, really fast
29. I have fresh breath in the morning
30. I have semi-long hair
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis
35. I have a twin
36. I have worn fake hair/nails/eyelashes in the past
37. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look a lot of the time
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
40. I know how to do cornrows
41. I am usually pessimistic
42. I have a lot of mood swings
43. I think prostitution should be legalized
44. I think Britney Spears is hot (not no more...)
45. I contribute my all at work
46. I have a hidden talent
47. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
48. I feel my life is pretty complete
49. I want a relationship with someone I can't have
50. I have gotten more than 1 ticket in the last year
51. I enjoy talking on the phone
52. I practically live in PJ pants
53. I love to shop
54. I would rather shop than eat
55. I would classify myself as ghetto
56. I’m snobby and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders
57. I’m obsessed with shoes.
58. I don’t hate anyone
59. I’m a pretty good dancer
60. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
61. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
62. I have a cell phone
63. I prefer to work alone
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months
66. I love drama
67. I am willing to try any type of new food
68. I have a fear of flying
69. I have never been to a big concert
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
71. I want to have children in the future
72. I have changed a diaper before
73. I’ve called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
76. I’m not allergic to anything
77. I have a lot to learn
78. I think I know more than I really do
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest "Friday" movie
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes
81. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before
84. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other in the past
85. I own the "South Park" movie
86. I’ve been to Europe.
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or friend
88. I enjoy some country music
89. I would die for my best friends
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I’m obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s "Children’s Story"
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have dated a close friend’s ex
99. I’m happy as of this moment
100. I need to get laid
101. I need to get laid
102. I need to get laid
103. I need to get laid
104. I need to get laid
105. I need to get laid

THURSDAY THIRTEEN

Last weeks was a little dirty, so here's the counter-balance,

Thirteen romantic moments I (still) love.

1. When she opens the door, decked out before a nice date.
2. The first time we hold hands.
3. When we hug and she buries her face in my chest.
4. When we hug and she buries her face in my neck.
5. Feeling our cheeks lightly touch when we kiss.
6. Placing my hand lightly on the small of her back as we walk.
7. When we're sitting next to each other at dinner and she kisses my neck.
8. When she traces patterns on my chest as we lay in bed.
9. When she sits on my lap and kisses me.
10. When she straddles me as we talk.
11. Feeling her weight on top of me when I lie on my stomach.
12. Coming up behind her and wrapping my arms around her as I kiss her neck...
13. Feeling her run her hands through my hair and grab the back of my neck as I do.

POST #100

It would be prudent, since this is my 100th post, to do the 100 things about me meme.

But I don't wanna.

Instead, I'll tell you a bit about my day and then do a different meme. Suck it, prudent.

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I think it's funny that every time it seems I'm having a shitty day, something happens that keeps me from getting to bask in the glow of my own pissyness. For instance.

I was already having a fairly crappy day. I'm tired from staying up till 4 working on a project (which still isn't done), from having a long day, and I'm about to go sing in a choir concert that I really don't want to sing in, with a growing headache to boot.

Then my friend calls at 6:55 and reminds me that I was supposed to call her at 4 to help with one of her final projects. I've been helping her with it all semester at no personal gain, and never thought much of it, but tonight she chewed me out because apparently it's due tomorrow and she can't meet tonight after the concert.

Obviously she never told me either of these things, or I wouldn't have forgot.

So I storm off to the concert, hurt that I've just been spit in the face by someone I've been helping, and try to make it through without ripping someone's head off. I see her afterwards and instead of a real apology she just acts like it wasn't a big deal. I had to really hold back.

But then, on the walk home, this sweet asian guy (that I've always suspected...) ran up to me and asked me for my phone number. Ha! I'm not homophobic in the least, but it always catches me off guard a bit. The sudden realization of what was happening completely took my focus off how pissed I was.

So, moral of the story: when life hands you lemons... go find a gay guy?

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1. I've come to realize that my family...

is a bunch of dorks, just like me, and I love them for it.

2. I am listening to...

nothing, I enjoy silence fairly often, being constantly bombarded with music here.

3. I talk...

not much, even around those I know. I'm quiet and calm, and only get more quiet when I'm angry.

4. I love...

family, piano, beer, girls, sex, my career, sex, did I say sex? sex, the internet, food, myself (in the good way, not the cocky way), Martial arts (betcha didn't know), lying next to someone you actually want to be lying next to.

5. My best friend...

can be a douche, but I love him.

6. My first kiss was...

unexpected and not very special.

7. I lost my virginity...

to someone I loved very much and feel vindicated for waiting as long as I did.

8. I hate it when people...

can't let shit go, are drama queens, yell, get worked up over nothing, end answers without punctuation

9. Love is...

Something that I still believe in, despite it all.

10. Marriage is...

something that I still plan on being a part of my life.

11. Somewhere, someone is thinking...

“I need another beer" - oh, that's me.

12. I'll always...

Remember the ones that matter.

13. I have a secret crush on...

A few girls at school, hopefully they won't be secret too long.

14. The last time I cried was because...

of LL, 2 years ago.

15. My cell phone...

Is too fancy for my own good.

16. When I wake up in the morning...

I'm grumpy as shit.

17. Before I go to sleep at night...

I have to wind down.

18. Right now I am thinking about...

“I need another beer"

19. Babies are...

Delicious with honey mustard.

20. Today I...

told you already, get off me.

21. Tonight I will...

drink and try to forget.

22. Tomorrow I will...

rinse and repeat.

23. I really want...

a successful career, a partner I truly love, you know, the classics.

OH GET THE FUCK OVER IT

I have extreme despise for a certain attitude... and if you're my friend and you end up being one of these people, I'll let you know.

People get offended. Of course. Everyone grows up with different values and morals. So if I call someone retarded, that's not offensive to me, but it may be offensive to someone else.

Here's the problem. When you make a HUGE deal out of the fact that you're offended. When you make it a point to make the person who has offended you feel like SHIT for trying to make a joke (for example). When you make it a point to apologize to everyone around in the name of the person who has said the offensive words... Well... that makes you a douche.

Sorry if that word offends you.

example

I had a friend in a class in my undergrad. He is gay. I could not care less. At some point I was talking on the phone to a mutual friend. I said Phil (name changed) was in the room. Person on the phone said "Phil who?" I said, "you know, Phil", person on phone said, "no I don't, which Phil?" and I said, "gay Phil."

I figured this was fine because everyone knows he's gay, and there really weren't any other distinguishing factors about him. If he were black, I would have said "black Phil." Who cares? Well, he threw a tizzie, and continued to lecture me on it for months.

oooohhh that pissed me off. I finally went off in front of several people, the following is a true recounting -

me - "fine Phil, do you want me to apologize?"
Phil - "yes, that would be nice."
me - "fine. I'm sorry that you can't be comfortable enough with who you are to let people say it out loud, and I'm sorry that you probably can't take a fucking joke. Grow up."

Other examples include me using the word dyke as a joke, making a rather mild joke about someone's mom (who had just made a joke about mine), and a girl who slapped me for saying that her friend who was missing his front teeth would thus be better at french kissing. She was just making fun of him for the same thing, but apparently I crossed the line, and that could only be righted with violence.

Have I ever been offended? I can think of a very small number of times where I felt someone crossed my line of acceptibility. One was a holocaust joke, the other was when a friend said a very mean thing about another very nice friend. What did I do? I just didn't laugh, because it wasn't funny to me... but as far as I'm concerned, those people can go on saying those things to anyone else they want. I don't care.

And no one should. If you don't find something funny, that's understandable, but don't ruin everyone else's fun. If you're in a situation where you might be repeatedly subjected to something that makes you uncomfortable, tell the person like an adult. Politely and privately.

Just remember, every time you try to censor someone with a guilt trip, Donald Rumsfeld kills a kitten.

AUDIBLE SIGH

I wish I had some real stuff to blog on... but I don't. Not much has changed since earlier this week.

I studied for all of about 15 minutes for a final tomorrow. I don't know what my deal is... but I do feel quite prepared. It's a pass fail class and I'm pretty sure I've got an A... still, a little reckless.

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I did reconnect with an OLD ex... of about 6 or 7 years ago (I had to pause and do the math, we're talkin' high school here). That's a little crazy. She's studying law near home and will be home for Christmas, I'm hoping to maybe get together and see what things are like between us. She wasn't ever the "what if" girl... but I find that I do think of her from time to time. She seems to have changed, and I know I have. I'm not holding my breath, but who knows? It's probably the most potential I have right now.

It honestly makes me really curious. Two people change a LOT from what they were like in high school... does the dynamic between them change? ..or do they revert when they're around each other? I don't know... if nothing else it will be a fun social experiment.

Did I mention she is DROP DEAD gorgeous? No? Didn't mention that? Yeah... RAWR.

UPDATE

Okey dokey. What day is it?

Oh right, Thursday, here I go.

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I finally broke up with that snarky bitch, blind date girl. I'm not gonna lie, I was only in it for the booty, and it was pretty tough to do... but she said yet another thing that pissed me off and I just did it right that second. I think she thinks she broke up with me, but luckily I'm not in the 8th grade and I don't care who "wins". (Besides, I win cause I don't have to see her again. Ha!)

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One of the groups at the school played my piece last night in concert and it went very well. I got all kinds of compliments, and I really felt good about it. It's nice to get your name out there among your colleauges.

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The semester is winding down, which means I am gearing up for tests, papers, and projects. Not my favorite time of year. The next two weeks should be very busy.

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I find that when I'm busy, I'm usually up late a lot. That's a tough thing. Never do you feel more alone than at 3 AM.

In general I feel fairly alone here. My friends have started pairing off into couples (some pretty bizarre pairings too!) and turning down invitations to dinner and such. I don't really take it personally, I haven't known these people very long, but it would be nice to have 1 person, male or female, that I could really trust.

I had two really great guy friends back home that, if worst came to worst, would have been there for me through anything. I think just knowing that was there helped, and I do miss it.

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As I play the dating game more, I wonder. I've had intense feelings three times in my life. One of those I would really describe as love, the others were certainly close, but I needed more time. None of those women felt as strongly about me. They all liked me a lot. But it wasn't the same.

In all of those cases, I was pretty much hooked from the start. With the first two, my initial impression (the source of so much of the chemistry) was right on. I think with K, I saw what she wanted me to see at first. But... that's not the point, the point is - I know what I'm really attracted to, what's going to make me see stars and make sparks fly... it is:

A strong personality, strong convictions and a sense of humor that compliments mine (someone who laughs at my stupid jokes and makes me laugh).

These are the three things that the women had in common.

What worries me is that I see women like this around. The kind of girls I know I fall for, and I shy away. I have yet to really work on talking to any of them, instead I tend to focus on what I think are attainable girls. Cute, nice, smart... but no real chemistry. I think I might be in a rut here, and I'm not sure what to do.

My NEW camera is acting up, so this might be the last HNT for a while.... so I decided to put it up early. I swear on everything good, if I have to buy another camera I'm going to choke somebody.

MEME

Professor ganked this from Redneck Nerdboy... OH HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED PROFESSOR.

1. Explain what ended your last relationship. I like to think it's because God has a sick sense of humor.

2. When was the last time you shaved? Face: Today - Chest: Yesterday - Pubes: about a week.

3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.? Hahahahahahahahahaha - sleeping, that will always be the answer.

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago? Porn.

5. Are you any good at math? Actually yeah, I think most composers (or music theoriticians) are.

6. Your prom night? Sucked... at least my date was hot, so good pictures.

7. Do you have any famous ancestors? Apparently one is a pirate... Which makes me so happy I could cry.

8. Have you had to take a loan out for school? Nopers.

9. Do you know the words to the song on your Myspace profile? My myspace profile is for my music... and no.

10. Last thing received in the mail? Porn.

11. How many different beverages have you had today? 3 - Water, milk and virgin blood. (ok, that's a joke, I'd never drink milk)

12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machine? I try to think of the most fucked up things I could possibly say.

13. Whom did you lose your CONCERT virginity to? Green Day I believe...

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? With my PEE.

15. What was the most painful dental procedure you have had? HAHA, first love knocked out half of each of my two front teeth by accident a few years ago. Getting it fixed SUCKED.

16. What is out your back door? Are you asking me if I'm up for anal?

17. Any plans for Friday night? Plan: 5 pm - drink; 6 pm - start calling girls to try to make plans; 6:15 pm - get frustrated and drink more; 7 pm - take a wicked pee, say screw it, and go to the bars; 7:01 pm - take a good luck drink; 7:15 pm - arrive at bars, nerps frozen solid; 7:30 pm - get refused service on account of slurred speech; 8:00 pm - after 30 minutes of rehearsal in back of bar, finally get another PBR; 8:30 pm - end up at home watching sci-fi, 9:00 pm - cry self to sleep.

18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair? Makes it ...salty? What a weird question.

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns? Eww... yes. I promptly and uncontrollably yelled, "DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME GANDMA?!?"

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium? No... I really want to make out in one like in all the movies.

21. Do you re-use towels after you shower? I take it one step further and re-use toilet paper.

22. Some things you are excited about? My music being played, scrubs being back on the air, it being winter, boobies.

23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO? Chocolate pudding, eaten off my naked body.

24. Describe your keychain(s). A human pinky.

25. Where do you keep your change? In my hope chest.

26. What kind of winter coat do you own? Some kick ass peacoats that honestly make me look pretty studly.

27. What was the weather like on your graduation day? Who cares? I was done, bitch!

28. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed? I sleep naked, so open in the hopes a horny supermodel will walk by.

CURRENTLY

I'm a bit stressed. I'm writing an orchestra piece for my project this semester. I've written other works of this orchestrational size, but not of this magnitude. I honestly don't think it's going to be done in 2 weeks, and I'm never had this happen before, so I'm not sure what to do.

I refuse to get it done fast just to have it done.... luckily I think I have the kind of professor who will respect that mentality.

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Dating world (always a fun topic). Blind date girl has become nothing more than a booty call, and I really don't mind keeping her on standby for just that. I actually tried more than once to see if there was more there, and each time she said or did something really bitchy and reminded me why I don't need that shit. Example:

A week ago, I met up with K. Everything went fine there, but when I got to the airport afterward, I couldn't help feeling lonely. I hadn't talked to blind date girl in a week and actually missed her. I called her to tell her that, and (with friends in her car) she immediately responded, "missed me, or missed the sex?" What a bitch! She apologized the next day, but by that point I was over it. She's blown her chance if she's looking for anything more, cause she pulls that stuff regularly.

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I've started a new venture. Online personals. Yeah, I know, LAME. The jury's still out, because I just started it 2 days ago. So far I've only contacted 2 girls, and haven't heard anything back. Not concerned, but somewhat curious to see if this could actually turn anything of interest up.

I also might be meeting a girl from DC for a semi-set up. We have a good mutual friend back home and started talking on Facebook. She's super-cute. I asked her to Coffee, I should hear back by tomorrow...

Oh, and funny story. The jailbait girl from choir asked me out today. AWW! She knows how old I am, it must've taken so much guts... I wish she was a year older! She's a sweet girl, so I said we could go to lunch after church next week, but don't freak out, I'm not a pedophile - it's just lunch. She's fun and I'm sure can be a friend.

So... it's nice to have a little bit of prospect on the horizon.

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Anybody remember KC? The crazy girl who'd never had a boyfriend and thought she fell in love with me? SHE'S GOT A NEW BOYFRIEND! Yes! You seriously don't know how good this is for me. All I've been hearing from various friends for the last 2 months is "I talked to KC today. She talked about you the whole time."

*creepy*

So finally, she's found someone else. She actually is a nice girl, and he's a nice guy, and I'm happy for her. I saw her today signing a note in both their names... hahahahahahaha, it said, "thanks for so and so, KC and _____". If I ever dated a girl who did that within 2 weeks of us starting to date, I would run so fast my clothes would still be in place like a looney tunes cartoon. I have 50 bucks that says they get married.