HNT

My digital camera got broke during the move, so I've been using my camera phone... sorry for the bluriness. Here is a pic of me, with face. I figure this can't hurt anything, because I really doubt anybody I know will find this... and if they do, they probably won't give a shit. I'll still probably take it down in a few days though.

By the way, I'm really not trying to be a model or something, this was in NY before going out to the clubs, and I was already fairly drunk.

OCCUPIED

Well, at least my thoughts are, even if my time is not.

In the last week I have dove head first into my work to try to get my mind off of K. Though I thoroughly believe that I deserve better than her, it hasn't made the getting over process any easier.

What HAS made the process easier is that I've been here before. I rarely find women I deem worthy of really connecting with, but as I get older, that number rises. I've been where I am now, and know what to expect. The general feeling now? Helpless anger. I want to call her and scream at her. Get those things out that I held in, bit my tounge over. I feel foolish for not standing up for myself, especially because I WOULD have with anyone else. I'm angry at her, and more angry at me, and there's nothing I can do about it.

But as much as you want it, there is no quick remedy for this kind of feeling. Nothing in the world is going to make me feel better immediately, even giving her a (big) piece of my mind. It's like the tide, slowly but surely, the anger will wash away. It's only up to me that when it does, bitterness towards love doesn't remain. ...but I'm confident that if I survived my first love without becoming bitter, I can survive anything.

----------------------

I went to New York this weekend. It was quite the experience. I saw all the sites, went to the bars and the clubs.

First off, I thought Baltimore prepared me for New York. Nope. Nothing prepares you for New York. That city does not stop. It is massive, it is daunting, and I never want to live there. Baltimore seems to be just the right size for me.

Second, Bars - good, Clubs - bad. I can dance just fine, but I HATE HATE HATE having my introduction to a woman being my crotch rubbing against her lower back, and I JUST won't do it. My friend (attractive female) danced with me for a while, but then sent me out to the wolves so she could dance around. Fine, whatever. I tried for a while, but if you're in a cool club and you actually ASK a girl to dance, they look at you like you're fucking crazy. Add to this situation my mild drunkness and my current apathy towards (putting effort in to get) women, and I'd had enough of getting turned down after about 15 minutes. I let the friend be in the club and walked around the city for a while, I had a much better time.

Friend and I went home drunk and shared a good night kiss, but that was all. It was the first time I really forgot about K in a while, even if it was only for about 20 seconds. She knew K, and knew my situation. There's always been mutual attraction there, but I think it was more her way of comforting me... it was a very sweet moment.

----------------------

Orientation starts tomorrow. Thank the good lord. Please join me in the holding of breath as I pray to actually make some fucking friends up here...

As far as girls? I don't know. It's a strange feeling. I'm still interested... but I just have the afforementioned feeling of apathy about putting in any effort to MEET them. I feel like I'm in an OK place to handle anything new as more than a rebound, but I am just not in the mood to start out with nice dates and everything... that wouldn't be fair to the girl, because I wouldn't really be into it.

I am up, though, for hanging out with friends, and letting feelings develop more naturally. Here's to hoping for something like that.

AIM

I've decided to start using AIM again. It's a pretty cool way to keep in touch with friends and such. Feel free to IM me any time.... really! I'd love to chat with you all. My screen name is

therynocerous

IM me! I'm usually up pretty late...

HOWDY FROM BALTIMORE

The last few days have been pretty damn busy. I moved in everything on Saturday with my friend who went with us and my dad. With just the 3 of us, it only took us an hour to get everything from the trailer to the room... we were damn proud of ourselves.

The next 2 days were spent arranging the apartment and making getting the utilities going. Friend flew home monday morning and dad left yesterday morning. I just finished putting the finishing touches on the place (hanging mirrors, organizing closet, buying booze), and finally feel like I'm ready to enjoy the city a little... only problem: I don't know a fucking soul up here.

I'm not going to lie, that's made the getting over K situation worse. With hour after hour of not being around other people... well, you know what they say about idle minds. It's not so much that it's idle, I'm keeping pretty busy... but I need some human (preferably female) contact.

...speaking of that. Here's something you might not know about me. My number of sexual partners is low. Very low. I'm fine with that. I've never been with someone I don't care about, and I planned to keep it that way... but I don't know. Lately, I've been having the urge to fuck anything attractive with 2 legs and a 'gina. I worry about what I might do, given the opportunity. Is this a part of the getting over someone phase? I don't know.

I had a talk with a good female friend from home who is going through the same thing. Her thoughts are that the only way to truly move on from a love lost is to find someone new. This is interesting. After the last girl I felt strongly for, LL, I almost immediately started dating J (a.k.a. the nympho... God I miss her). I didn't have strong feelings for J. I liked her, she was comfortable to be around, but not a ton of fun. We stayed together for probably 4 or 5 months. I think even having that mediocre relationship after LL did help me move on.

by the way... mediocre... except the nympho part. DAMN, THAT WAS AWESOME. I have to say that ya'll who said this a while back are right - it's very important to be with someone that is a sexual match. I want it all the time. Several times a day? Cool with me. I've noticed that my libido has freaked out more than one girl lately... which I don't think is really fair. I think it's healthy to love sex - and no one should be made to feel ashamed of that.

....Anyways, I've gotten off track here. Here are observations from my first few days in a new town.

- I believe I'm the only white man in Baltimore. Not a problem, just pretty new, considering where I came from.
- My apartment is BEAUTIFUL. Tall ceilings, HUGE windows, great views. I'll post pictures soon (my old digital camera was broken during the move).
- Going to the gym sucks as much as I thought it would.
- Walking everywhere is such a welcome change from driving. I still have my car, but it's so refreshing to be outside so much.
- DVR (same as a Tivo) is the greatest invention of all time.
- Not knowing a soul in a huge town is intimidating and refreshing at the same time. It's hard to explain.
- And oh yeah - I *heart* boobies.

INFO AND SUCH

I can't thank you all enough for your kind words and support, ya'll are wonderful.

------------------

To answer Sarah's and EE's questions...

I'm moving to Baltimore to get my masters degree in music composition from Johns Hopkins University. The music school there is at a decentralized campus, called the Peabody Institute. It is one of the best music schools in the country, and most of my professors commute and also teach at Juliard. Pretty badass.

After I get my degree? I'm not entirely sure. I plan to move home, but that's 2 years away, and who knows what will have happened in my life by then. My home was a joint venture with my parents, and they want/need their money back out of it, so the house will be sold soon. As sad as I am about that, I'm going to be making A LOT of money on the deal... so that should go towards a nice down payment on a new home after I graduate. *big grin*

The idea of earning a doctoral degree has entered my mind (because let's face it, I really want people to have to call me Dr. M_____), but that's going to depend. If I'm single and unattached. If I can find a cheap program, or earn an assistantship. If I really think it will help my career. We'll see... It would be nice to have a doctorate at 26 years old, and no debt.

------------------

I drove to Baltimore from Kansas City today. I'm in a hotel tonight, and will move all my shit in tomorrow. The drive was a brutal 17 hours... starting at 8:30 AM... but it could have been worse. My dad left at 3 AM with the big trailer and got here at the EXACT same time as me, so he drove, by himself, for 22 hours straight. He's a beast.

------------------

After my realization that I'm worth more than the bullshit K provides, I spent a little time with my one ex that I'm still good friends with last night. It was UNBELIEVABLE to see the difference in communication (from someone 5 years K's junior). She could sense that I was sad and wanted to talk it out, and simply said, "you can talk to me... you don't have to, but you can." Those words would never have come out of K's mouth.

So I talked with her about it. She cared about my feelings enough to hear about my situation with another woman, and was very grown up and helpful about it. She told me about her new dating partners, too. She's going to make some guy really lucky.

She spent the night (nothing happened, I'm not a prick), and it just felt nice. No drama, no unsureness, just nice - to sleep next to someone who has your best interest at heart.... it's been a while. Perhaps there is a future there if I come home... but for now, she's an awesome friend.

JUST A LITTLE ADDITION

I got to have another wonderful talk with K tonight. She called to check on me, see if I was OK... how fucking sweet.

We had a good conversation... for a while.

Halfway through, I said "I hope it's cool if I call you with a little regularity." Pretty harmless, I think. All I meant is I'd like to not talk so little as once a month or so. Well, somehow it seemed to upset her... because, after she got all quiet, and I spent 2 minutes asking her what's wrong (which I FUCKING HATE doing), she said, "well, it just seemed weird to me. I don't talk with my friends every week or something."

I really don't even understand her point. Moreso, I don't understand how she couldn't just give me the benefit of the doubt, brush it off, and talk to me at whatever pace she'd already planned (once every 3 months, I'm guessing).

She doesn't deserve me. I treated her good. Damn good. I put up with her shit, her mood swings, her pulling shit like that (oh yeah, remind me to tell you about the time she got mad at me for spilling her drink... what a baby).

She doesn't deserve me. You know who does? Someone who appreciates the fact that I make sacrifices to be with someone I care about. Someone who appreciates the fact that I buy flowers, that I pay for meals. Someone who appreciates that I'm a good, honest, ambitious person, and that, despite that, I put love first.

I deserve someone who gives me the benefit of the doubt. Someone who doesn't make me feel stupid when I make a joke that she doesn't think is funny. Someone who doesn't mind driving across town to see me in the middle of her busy day, or in the middle of the night. Someone with a true sense of humor, and a realistic view of what love is.

I deserve better.

DONE

I have one quick question before I get rolling on this post - Why do I only fall in love with women who can't/won't love me back?

Alright, that said. K and I finally had our talk yesterday. We were out at lunch and I told her I was planning on coming home at Thanksgiving and Christmas, maybe more. In the car, afterwards, I brought it up again. "You know, I will come home more often... for you." She sat quietly for a long time, before finally saying, "you don't need to."

Sensing that this was a fleeting chance to get her true feelings for a change, I followed up, "as much as this might suck for me, I want to know why. I think I deserve that." She said that she wasn't looking for something long term because she knew I was leaving, and that she couldn't do a long distance relationship again. She then started in with some generic bullcrap about us having different goals, at which point I stopped her - if I have one huge pet peeve, it is being broken up with for reasons such as "it's not you, it's me," "we just have different goals," etc. etc.

I held myself together quite well. The intial shock soon wore off, and I realized that I'd been pretty prepared for this for a while. If anything, I'm thankful that we hadn't been together for a year, because I think the same thing would have happened. This is a woman who puts her career ahead of her love life, at all costs. I can't explain why I look at relationships differently, but I just do.

Suffice to say, I have a lot of issues about the relationship that bothered me. I could list them, but I don't need to. It would be easy to brand K a bitch and be done with it, but I don't need to do that either. She mishandled a lot of things, we ALL know that... I think she just has some growing up to do when it comes to communication mainly (and that's too bad for someone older than me). She didn't make her intentions and feelings clear, and that ended up hurting my feelings, it wasn't fair to me.

So, this is now the third woman I've had strong enough feelings for that I feel I could have loved her. Did I actually love her yet? ...no... I was together with my first love for a year and a half before I admitted to myself that I loved her (I never told her, though). All three have dumped me, all for something easier, something that fit their career, or their religion (#2), better.

I can FEEL myself getting more bitter as I write about this.

So, why? Why is it that I find these women?.. the career women, the religious women. Why are THEY the ones I fall for? I'm careful with the word 'love', but feelings are feelings, I cried over each of those women, and no others. Why have I never gotten to feel love reciprocated? Why am I going to be just one of the breakup stories that they tell the next guy they fuck?

Motherfucker, I am starting to get pissed. I'm going to go get too drunk to cook, I'll be back in a few days.

PICTURE MONDAY

I'm trying to get a "picture Sunday" thing going, but I forgot yesterday. These are pictures of my beautiful home. I bought it 2 years ago as a total piece of crap and spent about 4 months fixing it up. The hardwood is the upstairs, and the carpet is the basement, recently finished. I only have 4 days left here, and I'm going to miss THE CRAP out of it.

ROLLER COASTER

I had part of a long post written, but I simply don't feel like dealing with it right now.

Let's say this. This current relationship is reminding me A LOT of my first long term relationship. It was a roller coaster. She was hot, she was cold - she wanted to see me, she didn't - she was selfish.... no second part to that one.

I have way too much self respect now to put up with a relationship like that one. My patience and ability to give K the benefit of the doubt is running out.

DOWN TO THE WIRE

Quick post here (imagine speed lines coming off these words)

I'm heading over to K's place right now. I haven't been updating anyone on things as they've progressed (I've been busy, but have been talking with friends a bit about the situation). Basically, I feel that her communication issues don't just stop in the bedroom. She shows an unwillingness to make me a participant in *our* problems, and that is a problem. Things happened on Monday night, things happened on Tuesday morning... and I haven't seen her since. I've talked to her once on the phone.

Tonight, I intend to get something from her. Anything. I want to talk about what's happening between us. I want to talk about our argument on Tuesday. I want to talk about our relationship - and I'm not going to settle for less. I think tonight could go really well, or it could go really bad. I'm prepared for either.

It's sad, but trouble this week has made me look at her differently, and made me look at US differently. In my first relationship of a year and a half, I almost *never* glanced at other girls. Honestly. Wasn't interested.

Two years ago, with the second important girl, same thing.

It was like that with K all of last month. Only the third time in my life I stopped looking at other women. That has changed this week. I can feel my attention starting to wander again. Why? I know that I deserve someone who treats me better than this.

In any case, I am rambling (and with excessive speed) so I don't know if this makes sense or not, I'm going over there to get a handle on us, and I'm not leaving without it - for better or for worse.

Raise your hand if you think this is a little ridiculous for being a month in.

*pauses*

Yeah, me too.

EARNING EVERY MILE

I like to run... I wouldn't say I love it, I just love the way I feel afterward. The act itself is easy at times, other times it's not. Yesterday and today, it was not.

Things on my mind, plus just generally being more tired than normal - I really had to work for it. I run 5 miles at a time, on the treadmill, because I like to pace myself. Normally, I start to get either bored or tired sometime after mile 3 or 4. Today, I looked down with shock to realize I had only completed 2/5 of the first mile. How did that happen? Hadn't I been running for at least 20 minutes? Apparently not.

It's incredible, the effect the mind has over the body. My legs felt heavy, my breathing labored. I had to really put on my game face to get the job done. As tough as it was, I do feel more a sense of victory for completing the task...

I wonder if this will be interesting to anyone besides EE...

FUCK IT

I like this picture, and I don't feel like waiting until tomorrow. HNW, I guess. Hope you like the backside for a change.

FUNKY

I'm not sure how to describe it. It seems everyone's been going through some of this lately. Breeze recently mentioned looking in the mirror and seeing the sadness in her own eyes. I saw that today when I looked in the mirror.

I can feel the polite smile I put on for people fade so quickly as I turn around.

I'm not saying that things with K are going badly, but I have had the sobering experience lately of friends being honest with me. They're seeing red flags, and I can see them too, once they're pointed out. EE described our lack of communication as a red flag. I didn't really look at it that way... but it is. She's right. 24 years old, she should be able to tell me what she needs, and if she's not in the mood, which is apparently what sparked the argument yesterday morning. When she said I need to read her body language, I THINK she meant I need to be able tell when she's not in the mood (I'm guessing of course, because she won't tell me).

My good friend of several years pointed out something else. Monday night she said something to the effect of "It's always about you," in reference to us messing around. Wow. I was QUITE offended. I won't give you the full history, but suffice to say, I've been at work a lot more than she has. A LOT. I asked her to explain herself, because I was offended. She laid quietly for a moment and then started making out with me, and soon jumped on top of me. I even stopped her once to reitterate that I wanted to know what she meant. She said nothing and continued to pounce. My friend was quiet as I told him about it, then said, "I don't like that. I don't like that at all."

So, now, it's the second evening after an argument. We talked late last night on the phone, and things seemed fairly awkward. I just don't know what she's thinking. Do I like her less? Not nescessarily... but I can't handle feeling this way all of the time, that is for sure. It messes with me, it messes with my emotions, and it messes with my productivity. I haven't written anything of value in a week. I can't afford to be feeling this way while I'm in one of the best graduate schools in the country.

We'll see what happens. I'm struggling with the fact that I *know* that this woman is relationship material, but then the way she actually seems to act about relationship type problems tells me otherwise. She is a good, strong person - but is she someone I can be with?

Venting, as normal, HNT, up next.

TMI Tuesday

1. Which ONE do you wish you had more of in bed... romance, experimentation or foreplay?

I would have to say experimentation, it's so much fun... but the others are nice too.

2. How often do you have "make up sex" after an arguement?

More often than is probably normal.

3. Have you ever been "caught" masturbating? By who?

Thank goodness, no. I don't know how, either, because I was pretty reckless when I was a teenager (mom and dad are home and awake? What a great time to watch porn!)

4. On a scale from 1-10, how comfy are you being naked?

Depends who I'm with, and how comfy THEY are being naked. I would probably say a 9 normally.

5. The three words that best describe your most recent partner in bed are ____, ____, and ____.

Let's talk about something else.

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever called out the wrong name in bed? Thank goodness no, because I've THOUGHT about other girls in bed.

A LITTLE MORE HINDSIGHT

*this is me, basically, thinking "out loud" about my physical issues with K. I feel comfortable talking about it here, and I need to get these things off my chest. However, if you think that *somewhat detailed* sexual info will offend you, then I encourage you to not read this post.

So I've been thinking more about the physical foreplay things that's kinda been bothering me. Here's what I've come up with.

- In past relationships, I've dated girls who were *very* easy to get off. Not only did they want it all the time, they also LOVED it. I could go from nothing to "going all out" almost instantly, and it was fine. I got it whenever I wanted it. I didn't realize it at the time, but lately I've come to realize that that is not really the norm.

- I am a horny man. Plain and simple, I want it all the time. I've gotten off *many* times in one night.

- I think that K is not as horny as I am, and she also needs longer to get prepped (like a lot of women do). I think the argument that happened today was a result of my frustration at not being able to please her, and a lack of ability to practice to get better. I think she's frustrated that I want it all the time, and that my "pacing" is different than what she needs.

This is how I feel with a little more time to look at this situation. I think what we really need is communication, but I think that I need to settle down and let her initiate more. In the end, I need to not let this rock my self-confidence so much. Frankly, she's not awesome at foreplay either, and I don't think any less of her for that.

Communication people. That's the key. Wish me luck.

HMM...

First off, I want to apologize if I haven't been keeping up on commenting on everyone's blogs. I assure you that I've been reading them as normal.... just not commenting anywhere. I'll get back into it soon.

So yesterday.

We hung out during the afternoon, but she had to run back to her place. I went with her and that killed most of the day, since she lives so far out.

Dropped her off, went home, and started dinner. She was to be at my place by 8:30 at the latest. So, I get everything ready to throw on the stove (shrimp pasta, salad, spinach artichoke dip for an appetizer), and wait. And drink. And drink some more while I wait.

She didn't show up until 10:00. Now, this was fine - it really wasn't her fault, but I had definetly finished a bottle of wine and was a good way into bottle number two.

So, after a little drunken fiasco with the oregano, she ended up making dinner with me coaching her. Yeah, it was romantic.

-----------

Let me preface this next section by saying that, believe it or not, foreplay CAN be intimidating to me. Some women are impossibly hard to read. K is one of those women. I'm going to be honest here about this, because I need to get it off my chest. I just can't seem to get things right for her, and holy shit, it is so fucking frustrating.

Every time I try to bring it up to talk about it (to get some advice or something), it always becomes a big deal. For example. We started to mess around this morning, and she got nowhere. I was very honest with her and said "this is new for me. Help me out here, tell me what you need," to which she replied something about I needed to follow her body language. That's fine sometimes... but I think this situation calls for a little more. We ended up getting in an argument about it. Super.

I ended up apologizing to her before she left, because I didn't want us to be angry at each other all day. As soon as I did, I felt like an idiot because I didn't need to apologize for anything.

I don't know if this is even making sense or not, I'm just a little peeved right now, and I need more sleep. I'll write more about this later, I'm going back to bed.

PICTURE SUNDAY

Quick update:

Still spending a lot of time with the girlie, my last chance to actually take her out for a DATE date is tomorrow. I found out this morning. I'm RACKING my brain trying to figure out something romantic and fun, but not overdoing it. She's not a nice restaurant kind of girl - which is fine because I'd rather save my money anyway. I pick her up after work at 4:30, hang out until 7. Pick her back up at 8 (after a work meeting), and she's spending the night.

HMMM.... suggestions would be appreciated here. Here's what I'm considering:

- Picnic in the local park - weather permitting (which it probably won't, either too hot, or rain), my place in the evening.

- lunch at a decently nice place, find a fun park or playground in the evening (c'mon, you know a playground would be fun), set out a blanket, do wine

- skip hanging out in the afternoon, and combine the last two. Get food from a nice place, go eat at a park (again, weather permitting)

- something goofier, mini-golf, bowling. Maybe those are better with friends?

- skip afternoon again, make dinner at my place in the evening. I LIKE to cook, but she doesn't eat a ton... It's still romantic though, and we could eat outside if the weather was good... this is my top choice so far...

Seriously, thoughts ladies? I would genuinely appreciate any you might have. PLEASE! (thoughts on my ideas, or extra ones, either are great!)

--------------

The picture I currently have as my desktop background - this is from the score of my first orchestra piece (I'm so fuckin' artsy!)

The single best moment in my career, directing the band at my undergraduate college on a piece that I wrote

Me directing my church choir on my last day there. I love those people (and they were damn good for a church choir)

This is a friend of mine's kid, and them having fun with the camera. I love it

GENERAL RANDOM THOUGHTS

I am definetly not happy when I don't have something to set my mind to. I recently finished a few projects that were hanging over my head. I had planned to hire some KC symphony players to record them, but I just don't think I have time now before I leave, and I'd like to save that money for a few flights home - if the relationship works out. As of right now, I just have too much free time. I need school and a job, quick.

Speaking of jobs, I'm hoping I can find an easy one when I move. For the last 2 years I've had a great job at a mall where I basically got paid to sit there and do my homework (write music). I'm keeping my fingers crossed that there's going to be something like that on campus. I really can't get another church job, because I would *never* get to come home.

I went with my grandparents to a gospel music concert last night. I was kind of dreading it, but these singers were TALENTED. The show was hilarious, too. If you ever hear of these guys coming to town, take the family to see it, you won't be disappointed. The Dixie Echoes

After the concert, I went to a movie with some drunk friends, and they were being asses. Thank goodness we left halfway through the movie, because we probably would have gotten in a fight. After that we went to some shitty parties that made me really glad I'm doing something with my life. I'm not conceited, but I'm different from a lot of people my age. These guys don't have enough money to buy themselves a decent couch (or any other furniture), but you'd better believe they have a big TV, a playstation, booze and weed, and some ground effects on their cars. HOW FUCKING LAME. And by the way, they need to learn the fucking definition of a PARTY. A party is NOT 6-8 people getting together to smoke weed. I almost forgot why I stopped going to parties in my hometown, thanks for the reminder, white trash!

And by the way, why is it that the people who attack the evolution theory are usually the ones who look the most like a monkey? Just sayin'...

I found something that EE said the other day kinda hit home with me. She struggles with the fact that she is a planner. Yeah. Me too. Though I think I've done a good job in this relationship with K of laying back and letting things be, I can feel my anxiousness (it's a word!) starting to build again. I'm leaving in less than 2 weeks, and I think she and I are going to have to have a serious talk in about a week or so... cause this is killing me.

Oh, and by the by, I did take a photo of my backside for the next HNT. I didn't think it would be spectacular, but I actually think it turned out pretty well... now, whether to show the ass or not...

HNT

I think I'm gonna start needing a new pose or something.

PART DEUX

hung out with the girlie last night. Good, as always. For the first time, we just hung out, while not doing anything. She did laundry, I kept her company, then we went to bed. I think we ARE starting to be in a relationship (plus she seems to feel comfortable changing right in front of me now... cool with me).

I'm also starting to feel more comfortable in confronting her about things. She wasn't very open about accepting my friend's apology at first, which really irked me. She suggested that he said "all musical theatre sucks". And I stopped her and corrected her. He LIKES theatre and was trying to relate to her. The problem came in with how he reacted afterwards. I told her it was big of him to apologize, and that she should take it. She understood, I think. Here's to hoping they can get along...

Just a little update, I guess, nothing special. HNT, coming up next.

AN INTERESTING EVENING

In some ways good and some ways bad.

K and I had lunch/dinner out, which was a pleasant change from our normal schedule. We normally have to hang out late because of her show and 2nd job. After that we walked over to a coffee shop, where we ran into C. I'm not a very vindictive person, but I'm going to admit that it was pretty sweet to get to introduce C to K as I was holding her hand. Suck on it, C.

She went to her show and then came over afterwards to spend the night. She was feeling extra feisty and we wrestled around for a while. As we were lying in bed after, she accidentally refered to herself as my girlfriend. I shot her a look, as to say "really?" and she turned red and said, "I'm really embarrassed now." I don't particularly know what this means, but I don't think it's bad. I didn't push it though, I've been feeling a lot more comfortable by taking things slow. It did put a big dumb grin on my face, though.

So then it happened. ...sigh... my friend dropped by with the new girl he's dating. By this point, K and I were a bit tipsy. K has a strong personality. My friend has a strong personality. I should have seen it coming.

My friend makes an off color joke, and I shot him a quick look, "maybe not a good idea" sort of look. I think it backfired though, because he just became more vocal. Not very cool. So we all go to sit down, K and friend engage in conversation about TV shows they used to watch as kids, things seem fine... for the most part... At some point musical theatre came up, and friend made a comment about how he liked the way theatre is "over-acted". He meant well, but K took offense. Then friend took offense to K taking offense. It went downhill from there. They stopped at an all out shout fest, but only because friend promptly got up and left. It was
A W K W A R D.

What it came down to is this. Whether he meant well or not, he should have apologized for hurting her feelings. He didn't need to revoke what he said, but he should have said he was sorry for hurting her feelings/offending her. He's entitled to his opinion, but if it's going to offend someone, he should keep it to himself, especially when this was only the second time he'd met K (and the first time they talked for more than 30 seconds).

Luckily, things smoothed over just fine when he left. I think part of her having a strong personality is that she is used to argument and confrontation, and probably gets over this stuff pretty easily. Honestly, I am not used to it. I pick my battles, and avoid the small shit. (I'm still trying to figure out whether this is healthy or not). In any case, he called today and apologized, and asked for a chance to apologize to her in person, which is great (and if you'd been there, you'd understand: he needs to).

Other than that, the night was great, and the most sleep either of us has gotten with each other... maybe we're getting used to it. Good things. Good things.

TMI TUESDAY

This is totally ganked from EE... but ladies, if there's one thing I love talking about, it's getting naked.

1. Is there any type of sexual act you're embarrassed to ask for? (If so, what? Hee...)

Well, I usually don't *ask*, but I would say 69...

2. Have you ever dumped someone purely because of bad sexual performance?

performance? no. Lack of sex drive? ....yes....

3. Name something you would say no to if asked to do in bed.

It's so cute that you think I have an answer for that.

4. The three words that best describe you in bed are ____, ____, and ____.

Aggressive, Dominant, and Patient (I stay till the job's done. Period.)

5. Have you ever been so emotionally moved by a sexual experience (in a good way), that you cried?

No... but I have actually gotten the lump in my throat... pretty rare.

Bonus (as in optional): What could your partner bring to bed that would most turn you on?

A request to move things to the shower.